His dream is to make me smile.

31/10/2006

EVERYTHING IS AFTER Os....like life has become so study centered. but guess what? i dont care! hahaz. i still going out to watch movie, play and slack.

ppl say must give your best shot, in Os, cannot regret, but i hereby present a different theory. slack and have fun, then when you dont do so well. wont regret so badly...HAHAZ.kidding
so make sure when you mug, you have improved yourself, and not wasted precious time...and honestly Olvls is not alot compared to As..so dont fret. AND THE REBIRTH...everything is after Os.....

ok i think i would get this, 4A2s 2A1s.
4/2 = 2
2/2 = 1
simple maths
nice right? if i am not wrong GOD foretold me my resutls. should be GOD lahz, but agian keeping my fingers cross, not that GOD is limiting me. but just telling me the results i would get in advance. cause like careless and stuff, so lose marks and drop to A2. yah stuff like that.
oh i think is GOD cause my own voice would have hoped for 6A1s. and not this kind of weird looking result. and i am still hoping that it would be 3A1s AND 3A2s instead, yahz. so you see. i am hoping against what i am told. so most prob should be GOD. or maybe i should start praying for kind and understanding markers...sounds good. pray that they in good mood. understand what i am trying to say. turn a blind eye to my careless mistakes! hahaz. but aiyaz. GOD will help me lahz. hehe.

and for those taking your papers. HAVE fun. and be like me pray for miracles! hahaz. of course must prepare lahz. aiyoz! but all is in GOD's hands lahz.

upz. yupz. =)

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

25/10/2006

what HAS happen to singaporeans? i think singaporeans and maybe even the world are getting more and more self centred? like so inconsiderate! aiyaz... think in the mrt can see all these things already. can go read janel's blog about it. pretty amusing.

here are the few calibres that we have concluded.

1 pole huggers. people who lean their backs against the pole. so we other commuters have no chance of gripping on to the pole? YUCKS these people GO HOME LAH! or if you love the pole so much. POLE DANCE for us lahz.?.

2 the deaf and dumb? these people are those who stuck two arrogant and ignorant ear phones in thier ears. blasting the music till those around them can even hear the lyrics? LIKE WTH! get lost lah. these people really lah fit into the calibre, but unfortunately, they are unable to apply for the deaf and dumb school? cause... aiya they dont even know they are deaf and dumb.

3 smoochers and sexually deprived! like yucks. these people also. got hotel 81, dont want go. then go MRT start smooching, caressing, all kinds of groping, yucks, these people really not fit to be on the train. what will those around them think? how about little kids? tell you. this kind of thing continues. and HOTEL 81 CLOSE DOWN. more people will smooch, kiss, caress, fondle in MRT! like GET LOST LAH. i hereby propose to whichever personel who has the authority to implement my suggestion. i, suggest that we start imposing fines to those who start sexually arousing activities in the train.! yucks! FINE them, then hotel 81 got business.

4 glass pane ruiners. really, aiyoz! all the glass panes have gel already lahz. like yew...aiya this one really nothing to say. tsk tsk. like to leave your legacy behing sia. like you know you go toilet, then you exorcise your 'black demons' and then never flush toilet bowl, yes! those who sleep against the panes are guilty of such crimes and ought to be given a lecture!

5 NOISE polluters! little young kids that go screaming around in the train? they draw every pair of eyes on board the train to themselves and seem oblivious to the fact that everyone is either disturbed or find them really amusing? like aiya, their parents must teach them lahz. this kind of thing... parents fault! mei you jia jiao...

oh today, i met indian pole hugger on train when i go school. sighz. even the pole was shuffed inside his crack lahz. so shameful. nothing against indain, but i happen to see it lohs. then on way home from airport, around queestown that stop, got another 2 indains. WHATS WITH INDians? i not not like them, just that today ah...aiya. yes this youngsters, really too much. they used their handphone and start playing music. like NO! so noisy. then everyone around them was obviously annoyed. some more play indian music! and then all the idian lyrics go into my head. WALAU. i doing emaths lah. irritating. and no one went up and stop them? like WTH! singaporeans also, most of the time rather tolerate then stand up against what is wrong. ( i am not about to start a racial riot, so if any governement officials happen to browse through this post, please do understand the position i am coming from, and i am merely stating what i have seen for the day, these are accounts and not exaggerations )

oh, i realised, usually these offences are commitedby guys! yah, so dont say i sexist. its kind of weird that i am criticising my nation's citizens, but now this prove that i am not at all bias.

i know we live in a democratic country, but still if your actions have contradcited other's morales and values then you ought to stop what you are doing! MUST be considerate. everyone share the same rights. so dont think you are the big boss, and claim human rights, cause we too have the right to enjoy a comfortable ride on the train!

and if you are guilty of any such 'crimes' though these 'crimes' are not classified as so under the law. i hope you would be more considerate and think for those around you. you dont live alone, so better get use to living with a community, or else banish! cause no one likes the way you do things!

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

24/10/2006

ITS notHOW MuCH YoU studied ItS HOWmuch you

IMPROVED.

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

18/10/2006

What has education got to prove? What does an A1 on our scripts has to say about us? That we are intelligent? That those who got a C5 or 6 aren’t that good? Aren’t that smart? Or issit only a prove of our diligence? But after 10yrs of education I have figured that our efforts do not equate to our results, our efforts only increase the probability that we would do better.

Why have we become so result orientated? Even the child? Why have we (some of us) stopped appreciating the gifts GOD gave us? Why have we looked else where for security and identity, when we should look inside and start accepting what has been already entrusted to us. That some of us fumble and stumble upon the mentality that we are failures, stupid, academically challenged, and start self pitying, going through our entire lives having low self esteem. Such reaction is caused by expectations, and more so by the categorizing of different calibers and degree of ‘intelligence’ in our generation. But the truth is that education neither accommodates nor appreciates your ENTIRE self being, your gifts, your abilities totally, it only accommodates to a certain extent. And I hope none of you who are reading this would object my opinion… that we are all unique in our own ways that education can’t accept everyone’s uniqueness TOTALLY, as many things are subjective. For example, child A and child B both composed a song, how can one grade their gift? This is totally subjective. A certain teacher might only accept child A’s work but not child B. isn’t that unfair? Like child B is as gifted but because the teacher or the education system is unable to accept child B’s gift, they feel that he deserves a B. then it is then imprinted on his certificate, and all through his life, his gift does not receive the rightly deserved recognition, this is unjust! Now apply this observation into your English compos. No doubt your language speak for itself, but how about your content? For science, you might have well known the answer, but because you have worded your knowledge in a different manner, and it does not comply to the answer scheme, then it is not accepted. ( this is to only a slight extent ).

Now, don’t disagree with me, when after your exam, you look at your score, your results, and not how much you have learnt from this one whole yr. isn’t this result orientated? Has not the purpose of education been forsaken? Students strive to earn each mark, yet not to gain knowledge. (Don’t disagree with me, you know it yourself) It is true to a certain extent that high grades do prove how much you have learnt, but that is not always the case. So a difference in grade means that student A knows more then student B? I beg to differ. There is a probability that this is so, but on the flipside of the coin, student B who got a lower grade, might simply be due to the reasoning that he was careless, or he was not able to apply his knowledge the way the exam scripts would like him to. So now isn’t this yet again unjust? I am not totally blaming the education system. I am just highlighting out the flaws. And these students’ futures are being affected! Like when they go for interviews, the interviewers are not able to see pass beyond the certificate would they? Maybe to a small extent, but again its unjust aint it? These are the flaws of our education system!

Tomorrow is practical. It sounds a bit retard lah, test me on practical. Again I do not agree, and i hereby challenge the system, but too bad I have no say, so might as well just follow. Sobs. Like whats the point lah? I don’t think it’s a test on how much I know? Why do you test me on observation skills? Like waste lah. Honestly. I view the task simply as a repetition of a theory that has already been proven.
Ok, lets say record down your observation. We might see the same thing as everyone, yet we express what we see differently from the answer scheme? And then we lose our mark. Like WTH! I see something differently and we are being treated unfairly just like that? I word my answer in an unacceptable manner but yet still correct, and they don’t accept it. Like walau… so you see the education system don’t accept your entire being. Sometimes the way you perceive things are different and you get discriminated…

Ah ok composed a poem, not extremely nice. Those who want to read can come find me. ok need to turn in liao. I hope my argument is established enough. Thank you!

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

14/10/2006

this is the final official day in ST GABRIEL secondary school. though the lessons were mundane as usual. but once the bell rings and infroms us we have officialy finished our last lesson in our secondary school life, there was a sense of liberation and freedom running through my viens. and its like there is this leap of joy in you that exclaims, " my career in secondary school has ended! enough of this place. its time to move in life, and now i am about to enter another phase of life!" exciting sia. aiya you wont really understand how i feel only when you grauduate, when you enter a new phase of your life.

thought mass was prety boring, but i think overall i enjoyed myself? i really felt for my school? and was proud that i graduated from a school that have such wonderful, loving, caring teachers. and yes they do wish you to have a bright future>? more than that, to find something in life, find your direction? teachers are not really teachers till they make the effort to direct their students in some way or another to find their destiny in life? whats the point of teaching only purely maths and yet taught your student nothing about life? knowledge do fade away, but certain things your teach teach you would remain and stick with you forever. like ms goh's words? i remebered quite a big chunk. and today during graduation, her words to all her students was, " if you made a wrong tur, you can always make a U turn! " i think those are short and impactful words? its so much more then history? its about your life. what you want, your purpose, your destiny. and only words stood out among the rest? cause many teachers said work hard, and may GOD bless you. not that those worsd aint nice, but i think her words really stood out, and have a really long term effect on us, or at least me? yupz. it brought hope...

was going home, thinking abuot so many thigns. already miss school liao.we are no longer subjects of ST gabriel neither 4e3. and now i think of my friends and teachers. people who i meet every weekday for the past 2 yrs. now that there is no longer any reason that would keep us 4E3 together. so now everyone shatters and fades into memory? yah. then i question. what keeps a relationship going? what binds two together? and the missing emotion got even more missing. oh crap. do ans mi questins if you can. would like to hear your answers. thank you. doodles. turning in.

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

11/10/2006

is the day when we sang our school song at maximum volume!!! its so whoa.. like at first i was like aiya nvm i see how, but as the school song started i can hear a really loud combination of voices...its like a choir that is shouting out the lyrics of my school song, then i shout along as well. i seldom sing the school song so loud, and today is the day when the whole 4E sang in unison with such a magnifying voice that subash (aiya forgive for mi spelling pls dont cane me.) standing on the platform looked at us sang, though we wane a little in terms of volume when we finish prechorus but towards the end we blasted out the words, i felt my heart beating, it was an awesome feeling, like such gusto i have not experienced before, and today i felt i am really proud of my school in certain areas? today is the last time i would sing with my school, and on friday the last time i would sing with the 4Es, so i think yah when we know its the last time, we do it with all our heart. i could really feel my heart beating lohz. like i gaze at my school flag with an unexplainable pride, and i could hear my heart beaing in my ears. cool lahz. oh, and we blast at every last word in every sentence.

ok so much for school song, here is the observation i made. this obesrvations i make daily is actually pretty dur..., but sometimes it takes us to stop, look and think. though its something simple but yah. kk,,, here is my observation. (silence) people would not understand something fully till they experience it. ok for example, today i piece together a few observations and conclude that dexter would most probabaly never know how it feels like to be really placed in a situation where he would be persecuted for his doings. ok no offence. nothing personal, still love him as a friend, but ok cut the crap, this is because he is a person that always fades into the foreground, and usually sail through life and would choose the simpler path. so this never ever place him a position that would really test his leadership skill, cause he would sit on the fence lahz. so when something happens, something bad for the leader, he would rather tease and criticise instead of symphatising. its natural for us to do that. but for one who have experience the position of being criticised like...EH..WALAU WEI...the person would understand its not nice being blamed, and thus would refrain from blaming others but try to find some way to support the one who is being blamed for the mistake made. ok this is the observation i made, conclusion is that only when we are thrown into new situations and experience something whether good or bad, then do we know how it feels...and from these lessons we change a little, for the better or worse, it would depend on how the person accept the situation or experience. yupz.

so keep finding new experiences and situations that will bring you to newer heights, but pls do the obvious...like dont take drugs and have premarital sex? oh the dumbest experience how it feels like to jump down from a building, the wind rushing past your ears and creating a violent sound, and then the impact inflicted on thy weak body that is made of 70% fluid, oh well you would not live to tell the experience would you now?

ohzzz last observation from previous observation... we all have personaility and characteristic, but its true that people change, and one of the environmental factors that change people is situations. and so oh what am i gibberishing about? DINNERRE INGZZZ

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

09/10/2006

my life is like a fading shadow. fast and quick, light and unfelt, but still it was noticeable and disturbing. when the shadow endures, and covers the area with darkness, much annoyance would be generated for most cases. and so strong was the annoyance towards the shadow. that eventually when it fades away, there was a lack of annoyance, thus upseting your emotions. and suddenly you might, just a small probability that you might miss the presence of the shadow. for it has become so much part of your life that it has been part of you, even though you minded its presence and have no choice but to bear with it. but now its gone, things changed, and maybe you are not ready to move out of this shadow...in fact this shadow was all along covering you from the blistering heat of the sun.now you are once again thrown out of your comfort, and then wonder why did you hated the shadow in the beginning?

ok what am i talking about? LOL. some stupid story that is cock up of nowhere. its like THE LAST WEEK OF MY SCHOOL IN ST GABRIEL!!! i mean i knew it long ago that school was abou to end, but like when my mind was about mug mug mug, i never really sat down and think my life in secondary school is about to end. i am about to say bb to all my friends, like charan. opps. LOL. and many more. some pretty close friends. yupz. and some unfrogettable teachers. and heck the tsundrum/ drem/ drim. heck the spelling of his name lah. AND NO MORE NAME TAG IN LIKE 4 MORE DAYS!!!! WHEE. if i ever go poly, then i think my life would change so much, no more uni, no need wake up early, my poly would be near house. friends would be around the west, and doing something i really like? so many changes... its like i just realise oh i am about to enter another phase of my life. and then i recall what ms goh said about us having phases of life. and then one day, after retirement, you enter your last phase of life, and you think its time to die soon, and i hope all of us would be have this mindset, we are all preparing to die eventaully. and the preparation should start as early as possible, if you only start at your last phase then you are quite a loser i guess, like you went through about 60 yrs of your life without living it the way you should live. cause what you do now, is not so much for your future, its more so in the preparation for your death. oh actually why am i saying all these? but point is, you prepare to die, because you know you will die eventaully, and when you prepare for your death, you are living the way life should be lived cause you, live it to the fullest, a man who is about to die, would treasure the time he had, and fulfill his last promises, and so do live your life that way... ah whatever lah. its about last week of school lah, you lah tsundeum blow the whistle till i forget what i was talking about.

so ok, its the last week, of my secondary school life and its kind of weird, everyone is having SA2 and no one but the sec4Es and 5Ns have recess the normal time. cause the sec3s are in the hall having examination. so canteen is pretty empty, and no SLC comes and bugs you to put your plates away. and when i go bookshop, there is no lowrer sec at all, in their classrooms, as in its lock. empty. no one in there? like so wulu sia. and this is how i am going to spend my last week? in an wulu school...so abrupt. and i graduate and then the next thing i do is sit for Os. like this is so not like its supposed to be? like you should be gradauting with lots of smiles, shaking hands, and saying nice things to everyone, but the MOE! have make our graduation like... farewell my school, i am about to go for a battle in the examination hall, and all i can think about now is studying and doing well. i will say my thanks later on, but for now, mugmugmug. like WALAU! how can like that? graduating out of secondary school and the next thing is Os, its so not right lohs. thats why its abrupt.

and LIKE WALAU again, graduation ceremony is on friday night, in school hall!!! like other schools have prom night in hotels, and stuff like that and we st gabriel cheapskate school, have grad in hall, SOME MORE MUST WEAR SCHOOL UNI. LIKE GIVE ME A BREAK LAHZ. i wear for 4 yrs liao, let me spend my last official day in school in outside clothes lahz? aiyo St gabriel like zzz... dozing off. but before i sleep, i have been changed by this school lahz. better or worse up to you to decide. ZZZ.

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

07/10/2006

ok i decided... heck the 6 points... GOD more important.

i think the 6 point destination mindset has 'invaded' and 'corrupt' my perception.i have become so obssesed with this destination of mine that i placed it before GOD, and instead ask GOD to help me achieve it. think a bit too much of me. now i have titlted my perception and think alike my cousin. just do your best. just do your best. in the end she end up with 7. sounds pretty nice as well. i think i will change my promises a little.

i promise to do my best. and will not let my prelim results defeat me. must be mentally discipline enough to reject all negative thoughts. have selective hearing. like the commercial.

so from today onwards, i will let GOD be in charge, but still i will work towards 6 point destination, but even if i dont get it, its ok, cause i rather have GOD then my 6 points, cause GOD more lasting. yupz.

ok today went to church. mugged on the way there. got this lady, fell asleep then keep leaning towards me.like aiyo! and the mrt was super noisy.
then got to church, continue mug a bit. i must find a way to leap and do well, then leave the rest to GOD. my noise hurts now, cause i peel off the the protective layer of germs or dead skin around the nose, like at the sides.
ok, then had this highlife thing. so got free dinner and its not bad man. haha. and after i ate told joy about it, then she go eat as well. LOL. got fried pineapple rice. with tofu, vege and beef. yah.
k, then cell was celebrating lantern festival, so i went ot join them for a while after dinner at highlife thingy. cause haven really start yet. then had some mookcakes. and played sparkles. its pretty fun lahz. actually the only fun part is to hear the sprakles sparkle. after that the fire will wane. then not fun liaoz. ok then we light the lanterns but after a while prefered to burn the lanterns instead. then we lit a sparkle in the lantern intself, so it caught fire, then it was like suspended from the table. so the wooden table almost caught fire as wellz. like whoaz. thanks to ivan who start the fire though my idea, use his leg to kick the suspended lantern off the table. then they started burning candles. yah. ok lah.

then on the bus home with all the other megalifers. the sec4s. me, joy lau, gerlaine, and shawn tay (girl) were discussing about Os and prelims. but me and joy sat opposite each other so we talked to each other more. then got one part she shared with us, you know got this girl very funny. after she received her prelims results, she went toilet and cry, like really wail out loud. my future is gone, my dream of becoming a doctor or a lawyer its all gone.... wails! when she like got 9 points? and then got another girl, she got 8 points and then tell joy joy so sad, i got 8 points, i cannot go hwa chong now. wails. then i like... joy gives walau look. cause she like got is like alot more higher?....
then joy tell another friend, wah like that i go ITE cut grass. the friend replied, its ok i will join you. i will help you hold umbrella when you cut grass. LOL.

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine

05/10/2006

its so haunting. and words itself can really pierce and tear you apart.what happens to you when your closest friends remind you to be realistic...remember you dont have much time, you have alot to catch up on... those reminders though partly hold true but yet its like an invisible force that glues your feet to the ground causing you to be unable to move forward. and you sit down and start crying... and the thoughts continue to haunt you.
you cant do it, you are a failure, look at your 5s and 6s not to mention the 9s. still think you can get A1? pls loh wake up lah. face reality you cant make it in such a short time. look at you. look at timothy, look at darly chee. look at those who aim for results that are like 9 or 12 points. and now you tell me you want 6 points and look at your prelims. i advise you to reconsider.
the results show, your performance stinks. who will still believe your 6 point dream after your prelim results has shown that you are so far? what makes you think your plan would pull off?

there is a chinese cheng yu... zuo ren yao jiao3 ta4 shi2 di4. be reslistic, but i think sometimes if we are always so realistic then we would never fly in the sky? like jai tian kong fei... i think alot of times ppl really achieve something, because they dare to dream? because they believe somehow somewhat they will end up in their destination eventually, even though the world say they cant. look at the brothers who invented the airplane? albert einstien deemed as dumb. ( these historic figures have never stirred my interest, there fore the examples that i highlight may not be accurate ) but yet he invented so many things.

now what words would you offer to a person who stop believing in his own dream > in his hopeful destination?
it really sucks when alot of your close friend offer realistc words but piercing at the same time. ...wash away your disbelief. GOD hold me together.

when i start fearing that my promises would end up void, that my hopes would crumble, and my tears would start dripping incessantly from my eyes.
GOD i remember you said before perfect love casts out all fear, and the reason why we fear its becasue we are still holding on to something, we are afraid we would lose it, i know i am afraid, i know i fear, i know you are testing me, and so many times i keep saying i commit it into your hands, but yet my heart is unable to register these very words. GOD i think its easier if you take it from me then me giving it to you. think i am too tired to give it up now. rather you take it. GOD i am losing hope, and when my dream is shaken...
i dont want to stand on such ground any longer. i want to give up everything and leave it in your hands. and becasue of that... believe that whatever turns out, its still your plan. GOD stop the excuses i create. and know that these excuses would not last, but the truth is that i still have to give up my dreams for you.

when you feel alone and isolated. when the world stops believing in you. hope that your father in heaven is near, because he always is. and you shall feel the warmth and comfort you so need it at this time. like love engulfing you from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. when you hear whispers son/ daughter i am here. and i love you...

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine