irreplaceable love.


i recently learnt that my best friend and i have ALOT! in common. i will try listing whatever that can come to my mind. our likes and dislikes are almost identical...ALMOST...isnt that cool?

we are into the same music. the bands we like are the same! WHEE.
we have the same views.
we appreciate the same things...like movies. plots.
we may have slight different interests...but we are more or less alike...
when thrown with a set of electives modules we make the same choices.
we like a certain set of personaility
aiya there are too many things that are in common. BIG AND small/ ok i admit i too seh to post now. cant think of anything... oh well there is a reason to why she is my best friend what right?

and she is pretty much irreplaceable. HEHE.
and i confidently raise up my hand when PJ asked if we have a best friend.
i am proud to have you as my best friend! bestest friend!
irreplaceable...thank you for all the love. and better thank me for mine! HAHA

love protects. love waits. love sacrifce. love is unconditional. love would be there for every single moments if the person requires you to in whatever circumstances.
love feels the pain when the loved gets injured or hurt.

LOVE IS NOT ABOUT FEELINGS!
feelings are temporal. a relationship is not based on feelings but instead on love. love is more than a feeling. ITS COMMITMENT! faithfulness...you still can say i love you to someone when you lost feelings for the person. because LOVE COMES IN ACTIONS AS WELL! not only in feelings.

'feelings' are selfish! LOVE ISNT! when you have feelings for someone you make them fit into your expectations. when you love someone you do not impose anything on them.
marraige is not about feelings, but instead it is building something beautiful with your spouse. every couple stays married not becasue of feelings but because of love. love is not selfish. so if you lost your feelings for someone, you would not leave the person if you love the other party.

feelings are just bonuses, so are appearances, in the end what last, is the times you and your partner spent together, being there for each other, caring, loving, encouraging.
i will be bleak here, please dont disagree with me...
if you ask any LOVING! couple. they would not be telling you that the glorious moments were when they had sex, but instead it was when due to bleak circumstances, they walked through their dry times together. SEX itself is also a bonus...which yes...it should be treasured and not treated lightly like how the world does now.

so enough said how do you define love now? ?? ???

i had no pants to wear, only the wet pants! and i was about to bathe and the pants was still wet...
given my innovative and complex mind, i decided to speed up the process of getting the pants dried, by placing it in my oven.
and indeed it was drier, but due to my feearful thoughts of the pants exploding inside the oven, i only allow the pants to rotate in the oven once, meaning the pan thingy in the oven make one complete turn! and hooray! i have just discovered something new! or at least i discovered it myself!

jimmy thought
what does time do to a person?
what does a person do with his time?

i will go under study under miss ye! WHEE...i am under...she on top. go sit in other choirs and learn how to conduct kind of thing! whee. sounds fun =) and nope i would not go back to my own choir...cause its really weird and funny. they might not give you teh respect...and its really weird going back. cause i've been there for 4 yrs. tiem for a change. go check out something new.

and yes through miss ye/ i finally got a chance to go learn piano or keyboard! WHEE =)
and i will admit i am backward! HAHA. still watching da chang jin! but nvm. so what if you are always ahead? at least i backward. making effort to catch up! HAHA. some people cant be bothered. so i still not that cannot make it standard.

i finally started writing my book! WHEE....on the second chapter. its still pretty much like in shreds...bits and pieces like that. the chapters arent even complete...but the main idea is written out le. like yah. and i think i more or less like second chapter. i need a REALLY SOLID editor...and my story would HONESTLY be SUPER SOLID! if no SOLID editor...it would more or less suck.HAHA...

i am still finidng for a tuition agency! CHERYL NG if you are reading this...pls let me know! AIYA...dont understand why you dont want me tutor you! LOL... i good teacher/// whatever lah. maybe you not comfortable. then i think i bring a teddy bear make you feel comfortable...ok sparsms.

i havent been watching da chang jin! HAHA...will catch up soon. ok i went cca fair on friday...went back to school feels good.go find all my teachers! HAHA like mini reunion...cause met quite a number of my ex schoolmates. it feels good to wear something else besides school uniform back to school. WHEE...

i talked to janel on phone...almostevery night. or maybe every night...! HAHA. ok IP is real cool.so sad i dont get to go there and learn the stuff they do...and i more or less have learnt alot of those stuff they taught...but not crystallise. i think the education we receive still has many flaws...i mean almost every principle focus on achievement...EYER those principles cannot make it. some over emphasis on values and morals...and discipline...like mine...he emphasis so much on school uniform...attire...national anthem...all are important...little things that help prepare us for the world. but in the end i graduate from st gabriel having memories of mr marcel lee saying louder half way through the national anthem...after hearing storys from janel. i think each school shuold aim to create learning experiences loh...i mean they say they do...but what have they done? compared to IP...alot of schools lose out lah...pls...IP brings you out into the world get you prepared mentally, physically, for the world. equip you with the essential skills for your future...but our schools barely do half of it...at least thats how i feel.
for the second week of IP...they have already went to east coast, suntec for orientation. i mean do you have your orientation at a place that can be compared to east coast and suntec? ok you lost...IP better. they went to dont know what hotel. alender hospital. plus some museum... in second week. i think your entire 4 yrs in secondary of excursion. and school trips lose ot them le.dont count your CIP. they already have a project presentation...in your second week in school. i mean demanding but its innovation project...you might have it loh...but they it in second week. means they have lots more waiting for them....POINT IS their learning experience is far more enriching than ours...so isnt that unfair? and isnt the JOB OF MOE TO MAKE THE EDUCATION SYSTEM FAIR? provide everyone with equal laerning opporunities? so isnt that like not exactly fulfilling their job? ok lah MOE doing alot le. but there are still palces to be improved on...they teach you alot of cool stuff lah...like how companies operate. how to persent. all the things we dont learn. and never have a chance to. cause we are just in a different school, in the same system...so is not that a flaw?

ok enough of feeling inferior and all...i will be eating breakfast now! WHEE...
IP rocks...though i never go...lol

with direction.or lost.locate me.tell me.words slowed.words stopped/unanchored ship.
time hung.boredom stills.time flows.boredom grows.restlessness sets/in.stale water.
navigate emotions.lost self.found none.navigate steps.compass missing/floats on.
words stuck.thoughts hung.unapplied actions.doubts everyone.trust only one/aimlessly.
who knows.who cares.where to.why so.questions unanswered.answers not questioned/now lost.
smile wanes.hope fades.dreams forsaken.forgotten love.care needed.give/give peace.need it.
storms surge.waves crash.isolation left.aloneness befriends.unheard thoughts/unknown feelings.

is anyone hearing?
look behind my eyes.
the answer might soon lose its grip on me.
someone please do find it...before it leaves.

you can only call yourself lost.because you are uncertain and without direction.
no one else can call you lost.because if they do.then you are not lost.you are found.
at that point.you would like to consider if you are in a state where you are lost.or found.
its all in the head.you cant lose yourself.you can only allow yourself to lose yourself.

life stinks now...INCOMPLETE chills.
i just realised i hate changes...i wished the world stop turning...as in i hate repition...but i hate major changes...
i am schooless...and actually that makes you feel super vunlearable? nothing to be proud of...
you feel like you are not anchored anywhere...its a feeling of liberation and vulnearbility...
aiya i hate changing cells. i mean i think pasir ris is a nice place and all...but i mean i dont feel belong to anywhere now? like drifiting and floating?
i suddenly feel no one notices me...oh well...but i know everyone feels that way...
aiya heck lah

our words carry no conviction.

how many times have you tried to make a friendship worked and it didnt turned out the way you hoped? it didnt turned out anywhere good?
oh well...thats why our words carry no conviction...

at least for most of our words.

random facts about jimmy
ok jimmy hates burnt bread. like his mum tries to make bread and ham with the taoster and 90% of the time it will be burnt. he practically hates it. for today's breakfast, mum did the same thing...said she was on the phone, thus the bread got burnt. true she was on the phone. but aiya. it still sucks. should be thankful she made breakfast. but still jimmy dislikes it...

jimmy's mum is super crude, blunt, and bleak. and jimmy is more or less like her, not exactly like her, but at times can be like her. still jimmy dislikes the crudeness...

jimmy found out never work for your paernts. but if you know your parents would pay you as promised then maybe its ok. jimmy's mum didnt do as such? his weekly allowance is 50 bucks per week...and well his mum include the first 20bucks that he earned in his life into ihs allowance...like give jimmy some credit lah? like his first time working then money earned turned into allowance...isnt that unfair or what? life aint fair. but you should try to make it fair. it would be unfair for you to be treated unfairly. and it makes sense. RAHH...life can really stink at times...

jimmy is pretty much bored after school reopens...he watches da chang jin and read bks...still trying to write one...figured that writing a good bk is not easy as it seems. its pretty much complex. he figured that you have to write a few events sitmutaneously.or at least they must occur together. there s alot of complex things to writing. thats why you seldom read good bks. and for da chang jin. if you are a lover of food. you might want to reconsider about watching the show. casue jimmy watched it at midnight, and what more when he was starting to get hungry.

jimmy is trying to find a job. may not be able to find one cause he is too lazy to do so...if no one joins him and he has no motivation. he wont get a job. so sad right? jimmy thinks doing manual labour work is a waste of time. jennifer told jimmy she wont work because the jobs she get right now pays no credit to her intelligence capacity. jimmy agrees with her...so might just end up too lazy to get a job. not too enthusiatic anyway. if he ever got one. it would most probably be because he got too bored at home. and anyway he thinks that getting a job is just turning your time into money. sounds ridiculous. if you cant do something productive and changing the world just by a bit, then working is pointless...

changing the world a bit means contributing to society. changing the whole world means creating history. not changing the world means typing, doing admin stuff....doing things that no one else dream of doing. jimmy does not exactly have low amibitions. given his thinking, it does not seem possible for him to aim for something this low, unless he sees no point in it.

jimmy is a lover of ice cream and chocs. almost after every meal he must set his tongue on something sweet if the meal has not been sweet enough. he calls it neutralising his taste buds.

jimmy plans to read up on history and biology...hehe. plans to learn piano. but so far the plans are still plans. reading up is not the difficult part. learning is. casue he might just be too lazy to find a piano teacher. how about the fees...hmm?

jimmy dont exactly miss jennifer. cause they are still talking now and then on the phone...oh well...jennifer has jimmy s support...smiles

who is staying?
who is going?
who remembers me?

whenever such questions bombards me. i usually only have one answer.

you know its you.

i think i allowed my emotions to run a little too free, but guess i dont want it to go on this way? dont want to hurt you. i think i more or less figured out what i want?
i want a person to walk with me through this yr and maybe the next few yrs. i want to talk to someone and have an intimate friendship...one that i can tell my other friends that this is my best friend.
someone i treasure.
someone close enough to hear my crys, my lameness and gayness.
someone who can appreciate almost everything about me. you might not fully understand me every single time. but guess its alright? cause my expectations of you might have been a bit too high.
a friend to confess your love to.
a hand to keep me warm.
an embrace to remind me i am accepted.
of course i am sharing my love with you?
and yes the intimacy we shared have led to certain 'strange feelings' (as how gerry kong states it) being birthed forth.
but i think this strange feelings might have gotten in the way? i dont know about you? but i felt we somehow lost that casual intimacy, or maybe we exchanged it with these strange feelings? but pls i like it the way it was before. where little expectations was required. where commitments was not needed. where we were carefree...
i dont want to lose it, and i dont want to lose you.
i still believe transparency was what brought us to such an intmiate level.
heh. dont lose it. dont lose me. cause i dont want to lose you.
i dont want to lose you. hear me? i dont want to lose you.
if i have to tell the whole world i would.

I DONT WANT TO LOSE YOU!

i want things to end in a beautiful way? if we ever part? i dont want our feelings to get entangled and things getting messy?
if i ever have to lose all my friends. you did be the last i would let go of.
cause i dont want to lose you.