strings = friendships / relationships

jimmy just realise he is holding on to too many strings in his life. and there are some strings he should let go. some strings are not worth holding onto. if jimmy hold on to these strings, his hands would start bleeding due to the strain inflicted on his skin, and the friction produce.


some strings arent easy to let go. to jimmy these strings are nice, strings that posses precious memories. jimmy should not have hold on to certain strings in the first place. jimmy have to high an expectation of his friends. but anyway, jimmy needs to let go of certain strings.

jimmy the truth is, its not how many strings you hold on to. but how tight you hold on to those little few strings? you dont need many friends, you only need a few close ones.
not everyone has to hear your story, only a few.

the words resounded in his head.

a thousand words does not wash away the sorrow and pain i caused in you. i am sorry for what happened. for doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong stuff, and being so insensitive. i just hope things will somehow work out. which would somehow.

jimmy wakled home in silence, filled with grief and remorse, regretting his actions.


earlier on, jimmy reflected and thought. not everyone has to listen to your story. there are a few kinds of friends. right now those that are on my mind are those that are close friends and just simply friends. only the close ones would be there to hear you story. and most probably they are the ones who treasure you.


jimmy likes freely_inspired
jimmy likes over the hedge
jimmy likes listening to over the hedge songs
jimmy is, was, will still be lame
jimmy wants to be joyful/
jimmy wants to spend his christmas at a place with snow

jimmy had a very eventful week. but he said its too much to write down everything.
jimmy then decided...to summarise what happened.
on monday. Os were over for jimmy, he played lan for 2 hrs. went vivo and watched casion royale and a good year. thought casino royale was complicated, too eventful, and no built up. a good year was kept simple, straight ot the point. the nlater phone got stolen by some guy who dont want to admit he took jimmy's phone...sobs. all of jimmy's sms and nice pictures are now gone. thanks to some selfish...@#%* then went to airport and fetched medan team
then went ming wei hs stay over night. shawn tan, marvin, toby were also there. all went high. played monopoly.
next morning went shawns hs. stayed a while. then went PS spotlight to buy stuff. then went shawns hs again to do grp identity for camp. ate dinner there. went home with amanda ong. slept.
wednesday jimmy stayed home and rest....
thursday, jimmy stayed home and rest, till evening, after much persuasion went down to church for megalife camp prayer meeting. WHEE. GOD your will be done!
friday, went out early in the morning. jimmy went ming wei hs to pass the dan domain some stuff. then jimmy went gabriels hs. jimmy got lost. used public phone to call gabriel. yup. finally reached gabriel hs/ stayed, slacked. played. went to PS with jennifer, then doodle around, hang jimmy around. finally went swenses and ate with young yong. and other friends/ then....lots of funny things jimmy said that make it all sound so funny. next up, le meridian...POOL! jimmy taught 4 the girls how to play. he said its a bit too many to teach at one go. what more the first time teaching. and jennifer learnt the fastest. young yong next, haha. jimmy was considering if he can ask them out for more pool gameS! whee. jimmy is so high now. cause he is listening to over the hedge which totally rocks he says. even i agree.
jimmy just told me he is considering to make a cartoon and name it under the hedge. oh well he said he was lame. and young yong pls dont accuse jimmy as lame cow.

LAME COW...moo.....young yong!

what does your life scream?
when ppl look at you, what do they see in you?
what does your life scream?

the gift of sincerity
the gift of fragrance
the gift of scarifice


let me ask you why cant we set our own papers? what makes you think singaporeans must rely on some angmoh across the globe to mark our papers? why take the trouble? what happens if our papers that sit on the exact same plane that crashed into the sea....RAH HATE CAMBRIDGE!

especially history! WTH! THEY ARE DAMN BIAS LAH! they everyday ask about germany! EVERY SINGLE DAMN YEAR...WTH! its unfair....ok 1st point.

next for history paper. they TOTALLY BROKE THE RULES! 2nd point...they set questions that were never ever taught....questions that were totally not based on themes.!.... WTH! almost everyone who studied and didnt study have no difference lah! it was a test of how you crack your brain? i mean ok...for those who sit for the paper and did cold war que dont say a single word...we were told that it would come out. yes. BUT. we were told you do not have to study every single damn bloody chapter. ok so most of us let go of coldwar. cause you might just write out of point, because the timeline aint that clear. fine so i studied like half the textbook. which is actually alot already. considering that you would only be tested on ONE BLOODY QUESTION! and none came out! WTH! ok here are the 3 questoins.

1. league of nations. plus TOV. - i did this question - FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!
2. united nations. plus something else. cant remember.
3. why was berlin blockade set up? plus. cold war... cant remember exact que/

look at those questions. NONE of them are based on COUNTRY! NO theme! ok the theme was about peace settlements. BUT IT AINT IN THE TEXT BOOK! you are bloody hell setting questions that were not based on themes! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL! they clearly broke the rules~ damn bloody clear broke the rules. if not they set new rules without us knowing.

i remember in my two years of education in history. my teacher only spent 5 mins blabbering about the structuce of league of nations and UN. SO....now you are tested on something that your teacher spent 5 mins teaching...IN a NATIONAL EXAM! and COME on lah. dont blame the teachers. you cant accuse that its their fault for not spending more time on these issues. LIKE COME ON LAH. history has better things to offer than just UN and league of nations. they know
what they are doing lah. so it aint their fault! its THE cambridge FAULT!

ok now for SBQ~ they are totally pure retards! like look at the sources...there is no link at all! like in between the sources there is no link! i think i can even set a better paper than them lah. not that i am good, but its just that THEY SUCK! what more the question asked and the soucre has NO BLOODY LINK! we were forced to create links! i mean this was not what we were taught. we were taught to compare...test usefulness and reliabilty. and now they give us sources and questions that failed to test us on things we were taught. WTH! how infuriating. and honestly the picture SUCK TO THE CORE! ok lah. this one might just be my own fault. fine. BUT ah...the questions were YUCKS LAH. honestly no link. how can they slaughter us like that?

come to think of it. we are trained differently from how the cambridge test us. why are we allowing some angmoh to determine our furture? since they test us in ways that we were not taught? ok to a certain extent we were taught differently from what they require. and i think we are doing a fine job. so why let them set the papers, mark the papers? aiya, i hate cambridge lah. so many cracks and flaws. honestly, you dont have to study to sit for Os. once you know what is going on.

jimmy went downstairs to buy a drink, he had 1.20 with him. he made up his mind to buy a soya bean drink, which cost 1.10. as he slot the coins in desperately, his thirst was beginning to grow unbearable; he quickly pressed the button, and the vending machine dropped the soya bean can. He bent down and retrieved his can, but saw the 100plus drink, which cost 1.20, and he regreted making his choice too quickly, without considering all his options.
for a moment he wanted to return the soya bean drink to the vending machine and get 1.10 back, and then use the money to buy the 100plus drink, but it was not possible. his decision was final. it could not be unwind. filled with a mixture of slight regret and content, he picked up the soya bean can and left.
he sat down and reflected on his actions, sipping the soya bean occasionally. so many times in life, we never consider our options carefully, and after making our decision, we regret.
and maybe if we had made the right choice, we might not have missed out on so many things.

jimmy's thoughts took on a different direction, and he thought of the people he missed. jimmy missed jennifer, jasmine, jewel, and ester. why do we miss people? jimmy asked himself.
distance is not the problem, occurance is. and after more thinking, jimmy concluded that one of the reasons we miss people is that we are used to meeting them every now and then, like there will be certain times in the week, month or maybe even year, that the two parties meet, or get to interact with each other, but once the pattern is broken, in other words, the two parties have not interacted for too long a time, 'missing' would occur.

jimmy misses jennifer even though they didnt talk for merely a day. maybe it was the thought that jennifer is in another country that caused jimmy to miss her. come to think of it. jimmy now confesses that he had missed jennifer even before she took off....

jimmy walks through life, making numerous observations. and from these obersavtions jimmy made many conclusions about life. he reflects and thinks. and from these thoughts he asks God.

and as he continues walking through life, he makes more observations. observing more observations, thus concluding more conclusions.

one of the conclusions he came up with was that nothing remains, all fades away; only his love stays.

the blinking light
spoils his sight
blindness fills
headaches kills
pains his eye
distorts his mind



RAIN BEFORE RAINBOW


RAINBOW AFTER RAIN

jimmy watched cast away. the show struck him, and he found out that everyone has an emotional need. they need to have company. and not be trapped in isolation. and in the course of 4 yrs, tom hanks ( dont know the character's name) made a very close friend - a ball called wilson. wilson was the one and only friend he had. and there was once when tom hanks grew fustrated and he kicked his friend, wilson, the ball out of the cave. as soon as he realised what he had done, he went all the way down in the hope of finding wilson. tom found wilson and begged for forgiveness.

a lot of times in life, we only see the significance of something/ someone when we lose them; it is at this point we find the void created in us, when we lose these little simple things. it may be a family member, friend, or classmate, or even an item? and it's so often that we not only take things for granted, but its naturalness as well. thats because we wake up to find that they are still there. that things would remain unchanged. and slowly we start taking them for granted.
jimmy would like to say sorry to those who he has taken granted for, and say thanks to those who have always been there. yupz...

jimmy also learnt that it's because of a purpose, a motivation, that drives us on, moves us forward. like at the end of the show, there was this parcel that was delivered? and tom hanks wrote a note, '...this parcel saved me....' thats because if he did not feel the need to get off that island and deliver that last parcel, he might have stayed on, and remained forever on that island of isolation. and also at the end of the show, jimmy noticed tom hanks stood at the centre of many crossroads. and he felt lost. like a lot of times, when we reached our goal, or fulfilled our purpose. we seem to be in a loss, because in a way there is nothing to look forward to anymore. nothing that drives us on now. is there?

jimmy watched the show with much awe. and respected tom hanks for his intelligence and survival skills. when he built the raft, and set sail. he was constantly checking out for wilson's welfare. when the waves came and crashed onto them, he kept reminding wilson to hold on? when was the last time you reminded a close friend of yours to hang on when the waves crashed in? and there was a stormy night, when tom hanks let go of everything but held on to wilson? he knew what he was holding on to...something that is precious to him...so what are you holding on to in your life? tom hanks held on to something he know it was like a part of him. what are you holding on to?
and after the storm, since tom hanks felt exhausted he felt asleep. and somehow the tapes that kept wilson in place werent that strong any more? and wilson was released from his bound up position and started to float on the seawater. when tom hanks woke up and saw wilson floating off, he didnt hesitate and swam out for wilson. but at the same time he held on to a rope that was tied on to the raft. here is the logic, wilson was at a distance away, if he swam too far out, he would not be able to swim back to the raft as it might flow away, that was why he held on to a rope, but alas, the tides and currents made wilson drift further and further away from tom hanks. till he was unable to save wilson. yupz. alot of times in life, we slumber and fall asleep, not keeping watch, and the thief might just steal what is precious from us when we are asleep. yah.

so jimmy felt inspired by the show. and it's seldom that jimmy learns so many lessons from one show in particular...there were other lessons which jimmy learnt as well, but then the post would get too long. so yupz.
what are you holding on to?
what is pushing you forward?
fight the waves, and break out of the enclosure that is keeping you on the island of desolation. dont allow the waves to push you back and stay put in your comfort zone.
BREAK OUT!

GOD i pray that whatever results i get.
i will learn how to let go of it.
and not cling on to it.
to keep in mind that your plans are higher than mine.
that results is not everything.
and above all. i pray that my results
will reflect your glory.
and your grace and mercy that is displayed in my life
i would rather that happen, then i get 6 points and boast of my achievements.

GOD i pray that you will inspire me.
grant me strength, to finish running the last lap.
even if i have none left. you will be there to carry me till the end of the race.
and still will i hold on to the your miracles.
though i am having the attitude of wishing that Os be over right now.
the mentality that i have mugged inconsistently for the past 3months.
GOD i pray i will still give my best.
and thank you for blessing me with those who constantly encourage me. when i need it.
you are only 16 once. let it be one that is memorable to you.

and for all those whom i asked to read this post. here are the things you can pray for me

=)

strength, more strength, moreer stregth.
motivation. motivaters. motor..kidding.
mug smart. mug smarter. mug smartest.
GOD carry me through this!

//thanks.

GOD really did many miraculous works in my life lahz. esp during Os.
ok today english paper.
paper 1 was HELL!
ok que was...dreams. i mean compo got other ques lahz. if i write them i would commit suicide as well.
ok 'dreams' it was. and my narrative was total crap. beyond crap. irredeemable crap.
....i always wanted to play paino. ever since i saw abigail sin played the paino in her concert, i aspired to be like her.

ok that was total crap. i write finish para 1 know i would die liaoz. ok that was at 9 in the morning. mind you thuoght paper1 ends at 10. only found out it ends at 9.50. to me 10 mins was enough for a miracle to take place. then section B was pretty crappy as well. yahz. even though write draft, i konw i am not confident of it. and ending was abrupt. so DIE! then only scrapped narrative at 9.30. then like i am left with 20 mins to do one compo! 30 MARKS lehz. hello.

at 9.30 i thuoght DIE DIE. ENGLISH GONNA GET 9. ENGLISH GONNA GET 9. shit..F...
ok didnt pertually said that word. mind thuoght of it. all are sinful lahz. so sometimes this kind of things cant help. when panic invade any word comes to mind.
anyway. i prayed again. GOD you are in control. help me write this. and yupz. SQUEEZED ONE COMPO IN 20 MINS. SIAO lahz. i wrote discussive....to me the word dreams have two definitions, one is .... another one is...

so that was how i begined my compo. and RAH! its the worse english paper 1 ever lahz. how am i going to get A1 or 2 like that? i think really GOD's miracle again. ppl said its over dont think about it...but how not to think about it? as i narrate this post i still feel really petrified over everything lohz? your future lahz? 9.30 then start compo. YOU SIAO AH! 9.50 end leh! ok other time was used for drafting. and for the useless narrative. yahz. i felt like saying ok my future is gone. finished. and thoughts of retaking english broke into my mind lahz. and with this kind of panic, how to write well? come to think of it. my content was pretty crap as well? like its short sweet simple, but nothing that outstands lahz. nothing much.

sighz. its something i wont forget that easily. 20MINS COMPO. first time in my life. some more Olvls.

i committed 3 offenses. 1 huge one, 2minor ones..

ok, on monday, i forgot to bring ruler. emaths paper. loci que. 3 marks. if dont get ruler cant do. then i prayed for GRACE. prayed real hard. then CPE smile at me. "who would you suggest that i borrow the ruler from?" pointed at edwin yeo's 30 cm ruler. got away. THANK GOD!

then emaths paper1. not suppose to have calculator. take out cal from pencil box. didnt put inside bag, cause later inteneded to put back into pencil box. then never. after exam for got about cal. left in hall.

ok then next day. teach checking entry proof, held it up, and noticed that it was heavier then usual. found out got CD (tigger the movie).then after that saw SS paper. daybefore (monday got SS) then put question paper into entry proof. oh entry proof is given with a plastic cover. yah so put things inside. some more got a little history notes. yahz. so she found out, then i was like SHIT! die die. why i forget to take out. my reason being. first time take exam got entry proof, so when they say check, which i usually dont, then never check entry proof lohz. yupz. so that was what happened. but tank opps. THANK GOD again, teacher was merciful. kept saying dont worry, its ok. yahz. then after paper received lecture from own school teacher. CPE again smile at me. yahz. then i got back my things plus calculator. WHEE. yay. THANK GOD! so yupz. miracles did unfold. of course. not barred. cause wasnt cheating. brought in unauthorised materials without knowing. yupz. so they have to write report.
then today, they said they would collect all ques booklet. yah. think it was my doing. will be returned to us tmr. will place in pigeon hole. yahz.

nothing to be proud of. just that GODs grace was really with me lahz.


i think its kinda werid. like i am not really going to touch my txtbks again in my life. as if there is a expiry date to its validity. and i am starting to feel that Os aint actually that much? like not alot to study? dont know lehz. i think i studied until almost know everything. what is left is what i do in the time 'FORCED' into my life to seal my destiny.something which i wish would not occur but still it has to.yahz.
in that short time. you are placed in front of a few scripts of papers, and your destiny is decided hence forth by what you do with this time and the papers given to you. the only difference you can make to your future is your preparation for it. but beyond that nothing can be changed? its all constants and a few variables.

and now think of it this way, you are never gonna meet these scripts again. and you will never touch the books that helped you prepare for these scripts. feels kinda weird, and then like you have a new life ahead, though this life is pre-determined by what you do before you sit for the papers.

and come to think of it.i feel that the tests we take and every SA and CA seems to me now futile and invalid. it has no longer any value? like what counts is your cert? though results show, but now to me the CA ans SAs are just a mere gauge, a system created to inform, test, motivate or dishearten...and then you think on a broader scale, the knowledge i have inquired for the past two years. seem to me now again, so finite and limited? and i stop and wonder, i spend two yrs learning this little? like there is so much more left to understand? and i take two yrs to learn so little?

and take SS for example, which is what i sat for today? i was only tested on one chapter? (merger and separation) which can be taught in like 1 hr? and the skills required can be mastered in a short time? yet i took two yrs to prepare? now isnt that time usuage inefficiency? yahz. and compared to UNI and PRE U. the things we learn now is so little compared to them. yahz. not protionate.

aiyaz. education has so much to give. knowledge has so much to provide, what really matters is what you do with what has been taught, and how you move on in life from each lesson learnt.

Ms Ong: work hard work hard work hard work hard work hard work very hard!

Ms Goh: You ok? ... i am here to cheer you on... press on


i am leaving the rest to God. i am awaiting for miracles to take place and salvage my insignificant soul.

i am vying for attention from those who hold a special position in my heart, but somehow i am missing them.like plants that are not watered.so are these friendships.

i wish every friendship can find its equilibrium? like two weights hang nicely on the beam balance like how all the phyics principal moments ques are like, they are in constant equilibrium. if only i learnt how to apply such theory to friendships.?. but yet again, there are environmental conditions that make the equilibrium impossible? like lack of time? lack of willingness?
maybe equilibrium is only achieve at certain points in your relationship with the other party, but soon it tilts to either side, and you try to balance it again? maybe we spend our entire social life balancing these beam balances that are our friendships?

and again, the other party might not see things the way you do? you might treasure one more then one treasures you. wouldnt that hurt now? but again its normal....and you miss someone so much at times, but still cant do much about it? because the other party might not have the time, willing enough to keep the equilibrium theory balanced? yahz.. ok alienised language, but yah. getting rid of my weeds. that chokes my emotions.

i think i would get autographs from my english teacher if i used such language in my papers.

waiting for miracles

dear tigger

just a note to say
dress warmly
eat well
stay safe and sound
keep smiling
we are always there for you

your family


from the tigger movie

we got do the woppy duper luppy looper alley opper bounce!
what a tiggerific idea!


i want watch winnie the pooh ~ yay