Fragile in all its nature
The human soul in
Microscopic terms
Was trusting, initially

Yet through the sharp
Angular, piercing of
Endless time, over and
Over again, man was hurt

By his companions
Fallen beings
Like pieces of crystal
Laid across the floor

Separated, divided
Cracked in its edges
Yet whole in its form
What a confusing contradiction

A hurt person, will hurt people. Guess thats why the cycle doesnt end.
I am told i am changing my combination on monday onwards. Not prepared. But i will get used to it =) I like my class even though i dont have a clique. Guess i am kind of the only floater, joining all 3 cliques in my class.
I like today's assembly. We were given the chance to express our thoughts and feelings about IJC. Teachers too. Really hope IJC flourish and gets in demand.

IJC rocks!
Podcast to be handed up on tuesday.

Decided to give the links on my blog a go, and found some rather a good read. For example Nat.
Found some expired, so they got removed.
Found some pictures and memories which i wish i didnt come across upon this virtual trip.
I am having a bad feeling about my H2s. God gotta mug super hard. Not planning to retain. Old enough. Friendships here are deepening, while i am losing ground in terms of social performance in class.

Since one of the retains ( pagasus ) said that my lit is good, and i can interpret, which to a certain extent true, because i kinda respond the most in class, i shall try composing a poem. But i remembered Mr cho (Lit tutor) said my poem has potential, and not bad.


Picking up speed
Muscles tightening
Like beats across the path
I gain distance

Sprinting, flight of propulsion
Resistance, decrease in length
Friction, an enemy, betrayer
Within, refuses to concede

Fire orbs, falling down
Chasing me, consuming
Quenching, gleeing upon my
Profound grief, misery

A dark red sky
Quickening steps
Blissful in its nature
I am spared



\Abrupt ending, but its a poem about running away from your memories, and you succeed.


I am starting to really like IJ. I guess i've made many friends over here. Too bad quite a number of them are leaving. God i pray you guide them and their steps. Amen.
I guess i made around 50 friends so far? I like the way where you just hop around from table to table and you just simply make a friend like this? As long as you know someone from that table, carry out a fair bit of conversation with your new friend, then from then on your friend and you start greeting that friend of yours =)

I pray IJ gets a good culture in a few years time. Pray that this culture is one worth recognizing.

Sorry peeps. Haven't really been investing into people around me lately, i told you guys i'm taking a one month break from phone calls. So yeah. Guess mostly phone calls will be done on weekends, unless its emergency cases.

I guess i know where God is leading me already =)


Aiming for...
Maths Chem Econs H1 Lit.
Lets pray hard that i wont be one of them many failing Econs and Chem. And maths will be kind enough to me. Lit should be no problem. Gp and Chinese paper shouldn't be as difficult as my H2s.

CCA to join...pending...Drama...Quit after SYF. God show a way.


I guess i finally found my peace, peace that i've been begging for the past year. Thank you God.

Q: How many RJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 4 whole faculties. One to design the new bulb, one to manufacture and test it out, one to write a proposal on it and one to market it.

Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. To compete with RJC.

Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. One student to screw it in and the rest to cheer, wave flags and banners to give him/her support.

Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can study without light

Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They’re too busy trying to be one of the top 5JCs

Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They’ll rather use all their money to employ YJC students to do it for them.

Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Only one teacher to tell them what a light bulb is in the first place and to demonstrate how to change the light bulb. (So how do you think they’re able to change it ACJC?)

Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None.They’ll prefer it to be darker.

Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Their physics is so bad that they made their macho teacher cry.

Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Would they even bother?

Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They believe in holding hands, sitting in a circle and praying for it.

Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are still using oil lamps.

Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Huh, what litebarb?

Q: How many PJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Heck the light bulb lah, the principal would do something about the rightbarbs. Let’s do 300 jumping jacks for not wearing the proper school attire.

Q: How many MJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are too busy trying to get promoted.

Q: How many IJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are Innovians. They’ll find ways out of the dark.

Q: How many TJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They think they are already very bright.


Rather insulting to most schools, but i like the first part best. Rather obvious, a TJCian did this joke. Heh...

I dont believe in God.

Ironically, that just proves that there is a God, because you have just assigned a value to an entity, God. Thus he exists. So might as well just believe in God then not to. I mean there are more people on this planet believing in an existence of a higher being than those who dont.


Dont seek comfort. Seek peace.

Fresh.

I know this is a little late, i hope it helps those who are doing their JAE.

For those flickering between the choice of Poly or Jc, hear my opinion. Heeding it is secondary.

For those going to Poly, i guess your morals and character will face greater challenge than being in JC. Most probably you might change quite a bit. Seen it in myself and the people around me. Not saying you might turn evil or whatsoever, but the way you look at things, it might turn pretty grey, and you might feel rather individualistic in many things. Due to differences in opinions, fashion, words used to conduct yourself.
And please get to know what is being taught in the course you are considering, you cant get any Cs if you want to go to UNI. For some courses like mass comm, its rather varied. For banking and finance in Ngee Ann, do note you most prob will be learning CSS and some computing in a module, mass comm too.

Whereas for JC, it gives a more friendly and warm feeling. But it can be rather mundane and maybe stressful for most. Time pass fast here, and please please, pray that you land up in the right class. Its not getting a good class, but being in the right one, where your classmates share your interests and perspectives. But be prepared for the stress from PW, and ending school on average like 5? I havent heard any praises from PW, like seriously, not one.
Most says the science people are lacking in culture and are not as exciting or interesting as the Arts. Maybe. Some tell me the Arts has quite a bit of politics in their class. Maybe. To me, just do what you know you are best at. And if you want a bit of both, go for 2 Arts and 2 sciences then. Which is what i will be doing.

I guess do what you are best at, where your confidence lies. And pray that you will not sway away from the road God has called you to.

Hope it helped.

Shifting sand
Voices that call you home
Yet you run in another direction
Away from the known warmth

Shifting plans
Relations that bring you home
Yet you find it hard to move on
A bucket of tears poured forth


Scoop up your tears and move on...

I feel like making even less commitments?
Yet my greed for more has overcame me.

Currently on my brain
I want to...
Get to grade 4 or 5 in piano in two years time?
Hit below 11 seconds by end of 2yrs in track. Which i think is almost insane.
Get enough As in promos and As to put a smile on my face.
Take private Os trip science papers. That is what i call ambitious.
Get a good grip on graphic design, and maybe brush up a little on writing.
Play enough sports, learn new stuff.
In addition, friendships to maintain.

I wonder how many will i achieve. Yeah overly ambitious, but whats life without them?

Its better to set more ambitions than to live with none.


Uncertainty fills my soul. But ignorance aids the ache.

I went to national museum, was seriously out of place at first, only one in sec school uniform to be with the retains and international students from germany. Yup, but i had a lot of fun, thought the exhibition was super cool, learnt a lot on greek culture and Gods, so cool! :D I took tons of photos of the sculptures and a with my classmates. I stayed till 6? Yeah i dont mind going back there again.

I got B3 for amaths. Kind of glad about it :D best grade so far in the field of amaths, so yeah. Its not a lot to some, but yeah its to me.

I want to say scoop up your tears and move on to those who didnt get good grades for Os. I really think some of you are wasted cases. Really didnt expect it to be so bad on you. And for others who did well, glad you all did well, so jia you!

I have two thoughts.
We should just come up with a whole different system for Os, dont think its very fair, because some people are so much more capable in their academics, yet they did like shit, like seriously shit.
O levels, is the only exam you will remember how, what, why you got your grade. Its like the only exam worth taking. And i'm considering on taking a few more papers this year. We'll see.

To walk away from the threads that weaved you for the past 6 to 7 years isnt easy.

As a friend says...embrace change.
I wonder if walking away will be easy or difficult. Its both.

But whatever that happened on that dreadful and unpleasant day...just reinforces my decision.



Feeling so rejected...No...i'm sorry i aint buying your story on acceptance now.
Too late. Doors closed.
Tired of being stagnant. I have numerous reasons for my decision, and dont for one second think i didnt reconsider, i gave people a few months to convince me to drop my idea...but...looks like time has ran out on your...


I wonder what does God has to say about this...never really got a clear direction from him. Thinking about such nonsense simply distorts my emotions and spoils my night.



P.S
I think IJ has good looking people.

Yay new piano! :D

Dont leave me here to my tears.

God i need you here. I keep finding it so hard. I know you said that sometimes doing what please you isnt exactly our idea, or plan. God i really really find this very hard and difficult. I dont want to keep coming here and crying in front of this machine. Or feeling the tears in my eyes. God i am starting to get quite desperate. I need you...i need an anchor, i need direction. I need comfort.

God my conviction is waning, and my pain is overtaking me. I am pursing my lips and trying to crawl on. God whats with me. HELP ME!!!!

God why have i left the utopia?

God is this year going to be difficult too? I had enough last year...God will you spare me...
God be here...please God be here.

God tell me...give me peace, am i really suppose to stay here?

I wish i could have taken more photos.

The display and exclusion of an individual. Really Hate It.


Please remind me less of everything that hurts.

I'm changing church...
Or is it...I'm leaving church...

Both sentences imply different meanings...
I wonder which am i holding. My pain and struggle suggests the latter, my simple faith holds on to the formal.

God why is it all so painful?
God its not that i am running out of this place with arms stretched out screaming freedom.
I am pulling my legs across the floor, weighing heavy, lacking clarity and assurance, having lose security...
God i am leaving this place with tears pouring down my cheeks, the sleeves coming up just in time to prevent the tears from falling off my cheeks. Leave no trace.

God, why is there so much...so much pain? God is it just my perspective? Is it just everything?
God why must i share and say i grew through struggling? Why cant i say like what they said? I received, i'm refreshed, i found something new, i learnt something from God. God why? Why?

Why must it all be struggles? God why am i still in wilderness.
I keep walk and walking, but i never get out of this wilderness, i just find myself in another.
God i feel so lost. I feel so vulnerable...i feel so alone. My social circle can change all they want, i know i only have you, i know you havent left me alone, thank God, thank you, but God please grant rest to your servant? Remove...no God...not my will but yours...but its so hard to even utter the words Jesus uttered. God i know might be running away...but God wont you stop chasing me away then? Or am i setting you up here? Just like Adam set you up...

God...how do i face my broken pieces? Every time i try to pick it up, i see someone coming along and taking whats in my hands and breaking it all together one more time.

God how do you want me to face up to this? God how???!!!

God i pray that i wont keep tearing. It s not nice.


God i feel so alone...




Wont you come sit beside me?
Offer some warmth you have.
To lean on a shoulder to sleep.
To whisper in my ear that...

God help me in this. Please take away...God i dont even know if i can ask you to take away?... Jesus...


God its too much for me...i pray you help me do this.

How long will these tears wet my cheeks?

I still can feel the tears in my eyes as i thought about this.
Yeah should be fine. Gotta move on anyway.

Ravishing hunger rumbles within
I ponder upon consumption
My last piece of mooncake
Nice tender soft absolutely
delicious and irristable
"Stop tempting me
i cant bear to eat you
Please spare me the...
The...Ah...
I just want to say i love
you my mooncake."
And there beauty broke to pieces



A poem to a friend



One more Poem to all of you.


I look into my cup,
I found inspiration.
A pen laid beside my hand
And these words formed.
Music echoed in my head,
it says all things grow.
Pictures of a big oak tree
Hang on...I'm thinking of a cup of coffee
Spoon stirring the liquid
No its not a liquid...its
Paradise...but it aint gonna beat..
meeting Jesus...
At the Big Oak tree.
Jesus looks like...
At this point...
I find my pen slowing down
I look into my cup...
Its empty...
No coffee...
No water...
I shall pause and fill it up...
Again with inspiration.
My pen is patient.
I believe you are too...
So just give me a minute...
And i will complete this poem.
God i pray i dont misplace the pen
though...coffee...Inspiration!

My first track training of my life. 5 of us. 1J1. Thats me. Enjoyed it.
Yeah i'm smiling at that. I think my track team is cool. And we have hope of doing good this year. I mean even the other 2 new J2s are up to standard and they learn fast. Differences can be observed as they sprint the first time, and like at the 7 th time? Can see the speed difference.

I guess school is made better by certain human beings in school.

I pray that my Econs tutor who is my form teacher will get sudden enlightenment, on how to teach, because he seriously is quite bad at it. I mean i have impressions that he is better at primary school, nothing against him, but yeah i pray God multiply his time to be able to teach us well.
And the first teacher i meet to use the same powerpoint template two times in a role, plus the template is from the given ones, so its seriously...
Alright nothing against him, but i'm not having much confidence.
But i guess Econs, will be a subject i can do fine without my teachs, because i hardly process anything from their lips.

Honestly...somehow the urge to execute my contemplation is so strong, and it never goes away, because it keeps coming back and find me. I wish i can execute it so simply.
Lit totally rocks! :D Highest confidence in this subject.



Click Refresh.
Wonder how many ppl know what that means... To me.


The questions weigh my thoughts down
Justification and reasoning would change no incidence
History, a nightmare i am still
trying to wake up from.
My shoes are old and rugged, torn.
It walked a long long way.
I look down and wonder
When will i get to wear
a new pair of shoes
Walk on open green fields
And leave this painful wood behind.

New school.
New unknown JC cell. Seriously hope and pray its not on sunday. Its a JC cell i can grow in.
New classmates which mostly are boring.
And i found another 2 person in IJ who quit poly and go jc.
New cca.
New ministry...actually i dont have anymore ministry technically.
One of the few things that didnt change in my life...
name, family, gender...


Same God.


God bring life into my life. Need you here.

Left with the constant torment of undecided decision. Which combination should i pick.
Even now, i am still considering, like gosh for a few weeks already. Since 26th dec.

Desired Comby last year... Bio Chem Math H1 Lit
Desired current Comby... Chem Math Lit H1 econs?
Best option now...Math Chem Econs H1 lit...
How i wish i can take Lit and Chem tog, too bad they dont offer and lectures are conducted simultaneously.

Lit is the subject i enjoy the most currently, and i see myself doing well for it =)
Econs is so dry, and so is the teacher, gosh...but i got chance of doing better than others...due to my academic background. I think...
Math...no comments.
Chem...Hope i can trump again in Chem...and that it wont give me some major headache.

My class is pretty much boring. OG is fun, and i am closer to them than my class.
Track...got OGL inside.
Choir...got Ex PHS girl inside, she is the president of choir, and she is pulling me into the tiny choir, 5 girls 1 guy. Gosh...

Currently, still feeling really slack about school. And i cant believe it, the week seems to pass so slow, its Wednesday and i keep feeling like its friday. I need more time to adjust back to JC. I need tutorials...and i need motivation to mug man...should be able to get it when its more organised.



Your year isnt the worst year of your life if you never doubt God. Do you agree?
Pls post views on tagboard...

Alright this is the first post of the year.
And its made in thailand cybercafe.
Doesnt really make much of a difference online, but its the first time i am blogging overseas. I dont really have much of an idea why am i here doing this, because my bro wanted to use the com. So yeah.

Alright orientation was happening, interesing ( beside the talks ), and seirously thank God, i met a st gab...and i never talked to him in st gab, but yeah talked loads with him then. Left early. And Principal got seriously pissed at me for going for 'holiday' in school season. I have my reasons, i wonder how many of your understand, but nvm.
So yes now she knows my name. And i remember certain things she said, and i will prove her wrong.

Hmm...i dont have alot to comment about thailand right now. But yeah. I am enjoying the music in my ears :D
Dark blue
Last winter
Smile
Light up my sky
The adventure