I met a very nice bus uncle today. I took a photo with him at the end of the bus trip.

My maths is pretty much screwed still. I wonder if anyone is able to offer salvation to someone who is left to swim alone out in the ocean, cold, dark and chilling to the bones. All alone.

I wonder if IJ will ever give people like me to break out of the system and conventions. I wonder if they will live up to their message, REWRITE EDUCATION. Ace it! Wonder if they will give me a chance. Wonder if people whom i care alot would do well in their exams. But i have enough things to worry.

I dont know...but i want to bless those whom i love. Yup will start saving up. Might have to starve...
Sometimes you wonder if your love given equates the amount received. Sadly, scientific laws have no say or application over love.

Oh well, Jesus was unappreciated. I am sure the bus uncles were too. I will start talking to bus uncles.

Here are some wishes of mine. If anyone can grant them. I would be really happy and smile for one whoel day =)

I want to see snow.
I want to go disneyland again with someone really special to me.
I want to take Biology in Jc.
I want to take H3 chem. This one i must have it!
I want to believe.

Yay! Some dont look possible, but we will see. I am going to try anyway.

i want to go disneyland again! Hoho!

And here is a link on another spiritual gifts test...which i have no time to do now, and yeah it takes super long to do. Like an hour.


I am called to Bless...


Its time i do something again. I lost it, and stop functioning for years, time to pick up the light again. God use me, i know your gifts for me, not all, but for those that i know, use me.


And i think the gifts you've given looks like a cool combination, so far that i know of...



Gift of encouragement
- Actually these two gifts are kind of the same thing. But hey! =)
Gift of exhortation

Gift of evangelism

Gift of teaching =)

Gift of tongues

Gift of discernment - I think, still not sure. This gift is cool! =)

Gift of knowledge - I think also. Haha

Gift of writing - I wonder...I really dont know. Do write but never really write for God.


But its combinations la. Like so what if i have the gift of konwledge yet cant teach? I my gifts looks good enough, i am happy with it =)
It looks exaggerated but...i read the list and descriptions...think it stands true. Heh!
Maybe what i am thinking arent really gifts, maybe they are. I dont know, but the first three gifts is confirmed. Heh! =)


I believe i can run! Run with the light of God in hand.

Heres a link

My legs are weak, but i will run on.
My heart is losing strength, but i will find strength from one who gives.
My faith is diminishing, but i will put my faith in a faithful God.
My tongue is getting arid, but i will find the living water.


God help me run on. Let my legs glorify your name. By running on. Let my heart worship you.
Let my faith speak of your amazing grace. Let my tongue procliam words that give life.

God you know. Intimate stranger do your work.
In your fingers i see how things are made, and your time perfected.

This is a super funny video on Ted, if you are bored or in need of a laugh, or am interested in seeing a new way of presenting then here, watch this!

Its one of the few presentations i watch two times~! heh

Gosh, i think zoho notebook is super cool!

Even though i dont know the full exten of its functions and capabilities, but i like it.
Heh...I choose to believe. No questions.
Cut of all sources of retreat!


I forgot the feeling of sitting in a class.
I miss school.
I miss having the chance to say I DID IT!
I stop believing, i believe and then i stop.

I really don't know, i hate st gabs at the same time i am thankful.
Thankful for the love i found there, and the character that is being moulded into me.
But, how cruel, how extremely cruel.

Picked up my report book last night, everything was B and Cs, alright mostly.
Trying to get an A for English was asking for Jesus to come again.
Here are the results 60 60 40 60...over the length of two years in sec3 and 4.
See the consistency? See the range of marks awrded? English was never a matter of what grade you got, instead if you passed or not.

I eventually start to believe my english sucks, i cant write. How nice of my school. They have their reasons, but the dreams of ever achieving an A1 was never created, with the constant low results, i never chased after an A1, i only dreamt of it.

Humanes, constant C5s. Reason being, if we ever given you an A1 you would stop studying for humanes, again, i never knew the feeling of getting A1 for history and SS because i never did.
I dreamt of it in Os, chased after it. But they killed us, and there goes my chance of claiming i did it.

My school only has 1 Bio class. Its another story why i never opted in there.
But i don't know how does it feel to sit in Bio class. Studying Bio has always been done alone, like running in a race with no finishing line, no competitors, no timing, you run alone in darkness.
I don't even know if i am good at Bio? The only hope i have was that i did better in Bio than in POA in sem 1 sec3, when i self studied Bio. With 3 chapters left uncovered the day before. And here goes my future and hope in Bio. I wonder if the JC i am giong to will allow me to sit in a Bio class. Thanks to a simple chioce made in secondary school. I might never have the chance to experience the feeling of sitting in a Bio class.

Chills that cuts across my skin. Amplify the chills, the vapour does the job.
To break out of mindsets and perceptions. God why is it like this?


God i am so sad!

I got so demoralised in sec3 that i didnt bother about anything in sec4, i left my studies to rot, i failed sem 1! I failed overall!!! Can you believe it?

Amaths was a goner from sem 2 sec3 onwards. Everything was 20...And i think grading me 20 was just being nice, because i know its suppose to be lower.

Science, disliked my science teachers in sec4, didnt bother doing well in mid years and prelims...
I keep thinking that i could have done better in pure sciences, then again, hate the whole system, why is there even combine? Whats so difficult about pure? My A1 came too easily in combine science. I could have close my eyes and still get it. And i am serious about that. Because the paper was so easy! That A1 is not justified! Of pass failures and near achievements. How can i do this?

God I STOPPED BELIEVEING!!!
I choose not to. I dont know. It seems better that way. When i push so hard yet i fail. God arent i relying on my own strength? How annoying, a lesson that i've been trying to learn for the past 3 years and i am still learning! God I am so pissed!!!

I guess i am still hiding under shadows.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?! I dont even know where i am at? And you want me to get out of the shadows i am hiding in?
Someone make me believe!

God, i dont know if i still can do it. I dont want to believe i can, its seem safer that way.
How ironic i try to make others believe in themselves, when i myself dont. Each time i try, each time i am haunted by my own words.

GOD!!! I AM SO ANNOYED AND FRUSTRATED WITH YOU! WITH MYSELF!

I know my significance lies in you, but make me believe!
A wasted life.

Oh, dont think not being in school is nice. Its nice for some, but i would prefer to be in school, at least my mind is coped up with the constant need for oxygen and space. I dont have to spend time bothering and brooding over such horrific and catastrophic results and performance. I dont have the time to self doubt, even if i self doubt, it would be for a few hours.

Gosh i doubt myself so many times this year. And for days in a role. I really dont know how it feels like to smile at myself and say i did it! Yay...i forgot that feeling.
And wonderfully no one has told me what i am good at. So i am good at nothing eh?
What has the education system turned us into. Turned some of us into, if i may correct myself.
Where intelligence is set, confined, and narrowed.

I stopped believing...

Here are some videos, for people on earth who are bored. Really bored.

Yup so if you are one of them.
You can go on and watch...

This
And
This

You wont know what inside till you take a look right?

I honestly don't know. Think i am just flowing through space and time.
Being out of school, has never been a nice thing, but staying on was worse.
I really don't know, i miss being 15 and 16, i think those will be best years.

Keep learning, but my tenacity is diminishing.

Where reality overrides imagination. Which is better?

God help me hold on.

In you and I there's a new land
Angels in flight
I need more affection than you know
My sanctuary, my sanctuary yeah
Where fears and lies melt away
Music will tie
I need more affection than you know
What's left of me
What's left of me now

I watch you fast asleep
All I fear means nothing

So many up and downs
My heart is a battleground
I need true emotions
I need more affection than you know
I need true emotions

You show me how to see
That nothing is whole and nothing is broken



What am i still holding on to?

My blog is SCREWED!

ah!!!

I need convincing...To believe

I am an epitome of extreme polarites.

Paradigm shift seems to happen frequently in my brain. And no i dont expect myself to be suffering from split personality.

God, whats going on?
Nvm, used to not having answers in an instant, i shall just wait for things to pass on, and i will find out the answer. God teach me to be patient, and to trust you, and your timing.

God help me focus on thoughts that are positive, true, and brings a smile to my face. I know there are many things that happened this year still makes me smile whenever i think about it...


For those who are hurting, remember, the moaning may be for night, but rejoices comes in the morning. Corinthians 2 chapter 6 i think.

Monday: Piano lesson.
Tuesday: Area outing + celebration team outing.
Wednesday: Work at mum s place. * most probably.
Thursday: Math lesson * don't think i will be doing for math. God have mercy.
Friday: Camp meeting. * Yes, i think we should really release quite a few people, they don't have to be there.
Saturday: Church.
Sudany: I dont feel like goign for adults service and cell.

Oh if you havent computed, i will be having to traveling down 4 TIMES to the east the coming week. Total traveling time... at least 12 hours! Money spent on transport... 20 BUCKS!!!

I may be complaining, but, try to understand how i feel, the pain i go through?

Never mind no one understand how it feels, so none has the right to come say anything about what i just said.



Oh, God please show us your direction for camp.

You guys reading this, you all can pray for a camp theme and direction. We need it really soon.

I took three hours to go to church today. I took 3 buses.

I didn't sleep, and i honestly dislike staying in the west. But gotta learn contenment and appreciation.
Many times when i walk home alone at 12.30 in the night, i thought about those who lives in the east, how they would be on their warm bed, dozing off into wonderland.

My cell is in shreds. My cell is in a horrid condition. FTV seems to be conducted in a disastrous manner.

Planning for games never seem to be good enough, it always seem to be so cheap. And i don't think the megalifers would like it.

God grant some inspiration and brain juice.

Who am i not to trust God? So i trust myself more than God?
Why cant you surrender your life to God? Are you too prideful to do so?

I will trust and wait for God...

Irush, becuase thats how i settle problems. Don't like it to stay and rot everything away.
But hey, gotta learn to trust God s timing eh?

Do not let your anger remain while the sun goes down.
Settle your debt, grudge, before you make your sacrifice at the alter.