God my life stinks! I know i sound like i am complaining, i don't know if i am being honest or complaining.
Confusion plunges in.
God i know your plan for me is perfect, your plan for everyone is perfect, and it will be made perfect when we all follow it. So why therefore get jealous when i see your plan for others, and i covet their life? God remove my blindness!
The clouds that distorts perceptions.
God, i keep wondering why, does my life look so crap? Then i think about those living in the kampongs, in my pain, i feel like giving in and saying it would be nicer living their lives. I wonder if they would covet my lifestyle. If they too are blinded by discontentment when their eyes are open to technological advances. But now i see better how this world works. Technological advances we may have, but it might have been better without them around us.
A simple desire, enfolds itself.
God, i am too lost to think if i have the right to ask this. But i will ask for it anyway. God will you give me one good year? I got a feeling you won't. Just one good year? Alright pain will still come and all, but more good days then bad? I know you make everyday good, but days with no problems. I don't know i keep getting the feeling you don't wish to give me, because i will slacken my as off. Ah forget it, i cant ask for this, because i am complacent right? I am lazy right?
God, i will just accept the fact that i get it hard from you. How many days did i smile before i sleep, saying God i enjoyed my day, today is a good day,thank you.
God i end the day with, God i thank you for making this day a survivable one. God give me a break! I know you are strong, and stubborn, I've learnt. So i will scream all i want!!! GOD GIVE ME A GOOD YEAR!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM ASKING FOR, BECAUSE I AM TOO TIRED NOW. BUT I KNOW I WANT A GOOD YEAR. MAY NOT BE IN MY DEFINITION OF A GOOD YEAR, BUT GOD GIVE ME. Or at least open up my eyes to see it all together.
I am hereby declaring i am tired, but according to the principle of God's sufficient grace, and
Drowned by my thoughts and emotions. Negativity.
God i am so annoyed by anyone who calls me now. I don't even know if i am Joey, or zheng yi. I feel like i belong to neither name. Can you believe this? I am denying my own name! WHO AM I? My identity is in Christ, but where do i stand? Don't come bombarding me with simple truths now, because i am not ready to listen, and every time you remind me of a lesson God taught me, and i already am holding on to it, the more i feel like letting go of that knowledge.
If you are ever going to come tell me a truth, you better make sure that i don't know, and its something that is able to open my eyes. at this point, i would like to believe i have ate alot of pain, i think alot, and thus the chances of me knowing more than you is pretty high. And do forgive my pride, arrogance, and ignorance, just conclude from your inference that i am confused, lost, flustered, irritated, annoyed, and trying so very hard to breathe.
I don't know who am i. Tell me about it.