I mean nothing
I don't know, it hurts quite a lot.
But i will stand up against it, really relying on God.
If i mean the whole world to you, you would still have held on to something, wouldn't you?
I am trying my best to hold on as well. Don't wish to end up like this.
Now its my turn to really ask myself, is it worth holding on?
I am not sure of my answer, for my thoughts and feelings are confused, mixed and uncertain.
God i am only simply trusting you now, you have proven faithful to me always, the only times you failed in my perception, was when my voice spoke. God you were faithful in timing and in your plans. So i can only remember of all the little things you have been faithful to me for, and i shall trust you on this one.
I really hope, i don't get permanent damage, God i trust you that i won't. Not too sure if it's because that i fear of a defense mechanism being set up, thus i immune myself to it, or because i still choose to hold on.
Or because, i am so uncertain now, that it's my turn to go through this, but I've seen you going through it? I don't know how long i have to wait.
Or because, i am just too afraid of having one, thus telling God, please don't give me one.
Maybe, i just wish everything would end, everything can be more beautiful after this.
In my peril situation, God you are here by me. Thank you. =)
I think i am only facing this with God, not telling anyone else. God grant strength to my bones, so that i still can run on, for your work, name and glory. God i want to run on.

two weeks ago = trying to survive.
last week = trying to push on.
this week = trying to run on.
Next week = trying to fly on.

I said that i will trust and not wait, but i slid back into a waiting mood instead of trusting.
Waiting = there is a deadline, there is a hope in time, you just survive through till the deadline reaches.
Trusting = there is no set deadline, you do not know when the ordeal will end, you hold on to God, not time.
God see me through this, and God remove the hope i have in time, but instead i pray that i will keep placing my hope in You, that your words will come true.
And let me remember the pain.