A piece of ham hit my head.
I thought about it while i was bathing. I guess Lexi is right. The young ones kinda respect me more than the other leaders. ALRIGHT, hang on now. Not getting prideful here or what. But my point is that...i am glad i am kinda making that difference in their lives? That they see that i care la. Yup, never really give thought about it. I am glad my effort is paying off =) That my labour is bearing fruit.

A month ago, i realised the significance of a helper in my cell. Without the helper, the cell will more or less die. Which i think is kinda true. Not stealing credit again, but from my point of view, i think i am helping the cell leaders lead cell. They haven really been around due to studies, i totally understand, but yeah i realised that i am dying as well. One person trying to shoulder on about 20 members is call... killer! I dont blame them at all. I see how one by one die off. I cant really die, because if i do, there is no more backup.
I sometimes literally feel like i am leading the whole cell. As in i may not do word. Word hasnt really been solid either, not blaming again, but yeah...i have been trying to get admin done. Calling up members where other leaders have no time to call. As in the list goes on, and it makes me feel like i am just leading the whole cell by myself man. Haha. But yup. Gotta help right?

Oh, was kinda disappointed in cell and everything over the past two days. Actually since i kinda step into pasir ris. I dont know why, but i really feel belonged in pasir ris? Not as on fire as i was in seng keng, lost a lot of fire anyway, but yeah...I guess i can say i love my cell, even though i am disappointed and upset at times. Yes they do fail my expectations, but to begin with cell isnt about fulfilling your leaders expectations.
Oh, today's sermon, was kinda glad the young ones were trying to pay attention. They didnt make a lot of noise. Even though was really dry to them, but yeah i can see that they are more engaged =) Guess my consistency in asking them to pay attention paid off. Yes over many many weeks, i kept telling them to keep their handphones, stop drawing, pay attention to sermon, keep quiet. Guess its better now. Sometimes i wonder if i am doing the right thing? Am i doing it the right way? But i remember Randolf said, gotta take owndership of your authority. Like yeah if you think someone is making a lot of noise, ask him to get out. Dont hesitate. So yeah. Oh i really hope to see more improvement? I dont know. My tolerance in cell level is dropping. Pretty fast. So yeah.

I found new joy and strength to run on. Really thank God for using Alexi to bless me in terms of ministry perspective and kingdom like mindedness. And of course as a friend =)
I hereby, commit myself again, to invest, spend, try to meet up as many following members as possible.

Joel, Brendan, Ming yew, Dominic, Gabriel, Jerahmeel, and Benedict. Plus Eileen, and Chanelle. Now and then would drop by a call. And call back that Jordan. Think he left behind Jordan river. Alright all jokes are not spas, they are just sponge.
Think Jolynn quite poor thing, one girl show. Plus a Charmaine to cheer her on! Of course help as well.

Charmaine came to the rescue!!! Yay, and today kinda happy that i didnt go cell, as in i need that breather la.


Oh, in last months acc letter. I mentioned about cell. And my heartbeat for the young ones under my care. How i want to see them grow up. How i want to see them graduate. I am perfectly fine with not getting new sheep. As in to me, i rather stick with a few and spend 4 years investing into their lives than keep changing sheep. Yupz. So i want to see them grow up and out of pasir ris. Making a difference in their lives.

My first heartbeat for leadership. No my first heartbeat in leadership, and for my sheep.