His dream is to make me smile.

26/11/2007

Boys like girls - Holiday

Wo3 Pei4 Fu2 Ni3 *( I admire you )...Persevere. Bo pian *( No choice ). - I will remember that short conversation with a member from Central 3.
I blew. Never went through that in years, i wonder if its the first time in my life all together goes to show how horrid a state i am in.

Prayer meeting on friday was nice because i talked to Marvin. So i was not alone in this. As in, someone kinda went through something that is as tough. Glad someone was able to thrash me in some areas.
I learnt - Many times, its not time to step out of wilderness, because God is not done with you. And since he isnt done, it just means he will be done one day, and its more than just patience when it comes to staying in the wilderness.

Saturday was nice in a way because Nat Yeo prayed for me. I think she would be the best person so far to pray for me, because our situations are pretty similar. We are both in highlife, same poly cell, struggle for vision 500 in ways that only differ slightly,and our education paths are kinda screwed. And i would have thought she would be one of those who stood beside me not in front of me.
I was reminded of SK, of the old megalife, of the ORIGNIAL vision 500. Where all those who really held the real authentic heartbeat. I still admire that heartbeat.
I learnt in path of destiny - I am significant because God created me. Because God is a significant God therefore his creation will ithout fail, be significant. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
But after path of destiny, that line hold no more conviction, because i see my pain, and i lost the significance. So back to sqaure 1.

Sunday, thank God i had Ronald. Before i seriously went insane, and give up on the cross all together. Yeah his grace is sufficient...Whatever. It was beyond undying anguish and excruciating pain. Making me go through path of destiny again was seriously a pain in the ass man. I mean like i dont even mean it, i can hardly pray for anything but cry out to God, and you expect me to be praying for it? Seriously, i didnt want to walk through it, but as i said, Bo Pian.
I learnt - I am still confused, whether facing the pain is easier, or running away? Which is better? I hardly debate what is right and wrong, i just bite my nails and face the pain, and in the meantime, try to keep myself sane, and no go screaming.

I am deeply apologetic for those who do not understand my situation.

The only way out is through.

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine