His dream is to make me smile.

18/11/2007

I figured, its no longer the traveling anymore that bothers me so much, it still does, i've moved on, and my pain changed, oh if you all think i keep complaining and feeling the pain about something, please rethink your thoughts. My pain constantly morphs...God knows, go ask him.
Reverse psychology hardly works on me now, because i guess i think more than you, you want to beat my thinking? Gotta out think me, before i started posted, i already have ten things to say in my blog, and i guess i can only remember at most 3? So, like seriously...
Yes its no longer so much about traveling, its about going all the way down, meditating, as she puts it...and yes you have nothing to do there, you are just there out of obligation, out of duty, out of the simple reason, YOU HAVE TO BE THERE. Oh you are reminded, you are still not activated for your ministry, oh sorry job.
You know i hate going service so much now...i seriously want to skip every single worship session...the songs they sing, its the inverse of my words to God...For example...God i want to know you more, i give my whole life to you, etc...yeah its the opposite of my words to God now. I dont want to know anything about him, i wish i didnt know him. Oh...i dont like to be reminded, i cant worship God, even if i do, its lip service...oh...i think God will appreciate that a lot. If i am God i did rather me shut up. Exactly what i am and trying to not do. But guess God knows what i am doing, and why i am doing so.
Yeah she is right, God deserves the worship..yeah he deserves it...but not lip service, the thing we preach against, and oh...sorry, i happen to fall into that category now. What are you going to do then?
He is right...being in a ministry, gotta be edifying, and encouraging TO YOURSELF may i remind...sorry i never felt that way...since i stepped into ministry, i lost more and more of myself.
Oh...vision 500...have you forgotten to what happen to those that are building the vision. She is right, whats the point of having 500, when like a 100 is dying? Is burnt out...that 100 can just pull down the whole ministry. PJ said this more than once, for those who are young...listen to this. PJ was never concerned about numbers, she was always concerned about the heartbeat of her people, are they for God or for the world, or for themselves... Listen to this...SHE RATHER HAVE 50 YOUTHS ALL OUT FOR GOD, than to have 300 youths, hardly bothering the heartbeat of God. Hmmm...figurative number it may be. What happen to those dying?
You know why people backslide? Yes most of them fell to the darkside...but let me tell you something, people backslide because they were not taken care of...you think people suddenly wake up on Saturday and say, i dont want to go church anymore? They were never taken care of thats why they left, the pain the disappointment they harbored, that was left remaining to grow, it got the better of them, and i am trying so very hard to make sure it has not gotten the better of me * Spiderman and venom...its time everyone keep watch of the gates, dont let any more sheep get snatched away.
Oh vision 500...if you want to have more sheep, gotta prepare for it dont you? Whats the point of keeping 500 sheep in a pen that can only contain 400? The remaining 100 will find another pen to live in, oh...i am sorry 80 of them might just get eaten up by the wolf before they reach and found another pen.
I am getting quite sick of prayers directed at me, i know you all care, but so...? It just kinda make things worse when its prayed in the wrong way you know... hmmm, best option dont pray for me in front of me, unless you are able to hit me...unless you really seriously know my current heartbeat.
I honestly dont want to be in leadership now, i know there are other reasons why i should stay or should not, whatever...point is, i dont want my members to get pulled down as well, but i can never tell them, i am taking a break...what s going to happen to them for the next few months? For the relationships i took to build the past 10 months, i know i mean a lot to them, but i dont want them to lose their flame because of me, telling them i am taking a break would kinda do the same as well. So much for my plans of meeting all of them up. I only managed to meet two.
From what i remember, ministry breaks means...i pulled the plug, i am never stepping in. Look at ushering. I wonder how are they doing, the current ushers are so different are those that are 3 4 years ago, even all the way back to megalife was barely 100. I seriously am sad to see, why no one ever thought who were the ones who built up megalife. Yes the remaining marks, of megalife in grace chapel is my batch. We are hardly around any more. I say we grown a lot, but who remembers where were we? Who knows what we went through? Sometimes, before you look at vision 500, try looking things from PJ's view...From pastor Vincent view. Never done that? Its a good time to start now. So much for vision 500. The church we worship in now, never knew how it even got here did you?
Let me tell you, there was this period riverlife church almost lost its existence. I wonder how many of you know we the old megalife * The old froggies as PJ puts it, used to play soccer at the spot atrium is sitting at now. I wonder who saw the trees pulled down besides me. I wonder if lem remembered i raced with him once outside grace. I wonder anyone remember people use the spiral stairs beside grace chapel. I wonder if anyone remember the room in victory chapel, was once all together another room. I wonder...I seriously wonder, did anyone else saw the cement path being made at the green gate besides me and ...
Before we hit 500 there was 12, 16, 30, 60, 80, 120, 240, 280, 300, 320, 350. Each number is a story, somehow i would say most of your are in the story of 240 and onwards, its time you all have an idea of the stories before 240...then you all really own the vision 500. Like completely, because you appreciate, you know what legacy you left, you know who and what did they left of for you to continue. You try finding out what's their heartbeat for megalife, rethink your thoughts, your path, the way you run.
Maybe all of you are too comfortable in your chairs, hardly see the chairs thats need to be filled up. Let me remind all of you, our vision beyond the 500 mark, is to invade WORSHIP CENTRE, anyone remembered? Why invade worship centre...Yeah start rethinking. Anyone remember how was it like in grace chapel? I enjoyed there a lot more than in victory. I enjoyed sanctuary as well, when we can just go up and worship as a whole group. I enjoyed trains that were formed. There are so many stories beside the current ones. Seng kang used to be ONLY ONE CELL, so was Central which has birthed into an area. Never knew? Logic would say so, but i guess its nice to know your own history isnt it? What about your own cell? What say you? Tampines...who remembered who were the ones before your cell. Who were once in your cell, and were the ones who built up the cell.
Not to dwell on the past, but your present is your past. Who you are today, is what you were yesterday.

Rethink your thoughts. Rethink the path you run on.

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine