Joachim said there will be some of us God is using this year to prepare. Pretty sure i am one of them.
Not apologizing for previous posts. It s been real, and i thought through it before i click publish post. If you valued unity then you should have cared more for my well being and understand how it felt like going through this.

Its one of the worst periods of your life. A season that will go down in pain. Worst year of my life.

And all you wish for is some human being to be able to understand. To know how it feels to fight for the authenticity with you. To continue believing in you. To hold your hand through this mess. Just be here.
Sometimes its not the perspective that matters, is the perspective you have of someone whose in pain. Knowing and understanding how he feels.
Its far more than just my ministry, church, and what i serve in. Its a struggle i have with God.

When a mother sees her child's hand receive a cut, blood dripping out, would she scold him for where he spilled blood, or would she make haste and get a towel to stop the bleeding. Would she scold him for crying out in pain, or would she soothe his pain and say its okay.
Maybe i just need a friend who is able to display such understanding and love.

God if i am going to go through this alone, i am fine. I know you are here. Been hoping for a human to understand, but if i dont get one, i will move on and face it alone. There were many things i faced alone, my presence speak of your grace.

I am still very bewildered, does not a single person reading this understand what it means to go through the worse year of your life? A season where everyday can be a battle against your own feelings. Have your lives all been so comfortable? I mean its like struggling, not because of perspective, but simply to stop yourself from drowning? Like anguish beyond anguish.

Do you really understand so little of the pain i go through?