His dream is to make me smile.

15/11/2007

Sometimes i wonder, am i trying to hold up myself, or others?
Why do i not skip all these sufferings? Yeah going for those meetings is called suffering, i am looking to the end of it. To the end of what we are planning.
I keep thinking, maybe you should not have believed in me, spare me from the knowledge and suffering, that someone chose not to believe in me. Someone who doubt me. Yes i chose to look at the view point, someone did not believe me, someone else did believe in me, which spoke of my destiny, my position, and my EXTREME DISCOMFORT! To be stuck in the middle, to be used as a spare part. Like seriously, the group will survive without me. And if its causing me so much suffering, WTF am i doing here suffering? LEAVE LA!
Sometimes i really wonder he has to say. But its too mean if i am going to demand from him.
You told me i should not look for recognition in men, but that is me, that is me!!! How can i change whats me? Its part of me!!! Everytime i heck the encouragement of men, i find myself free, but after a while i find it so unreal, because whats real is i need the encouragement. From Humans. I can, i can forget about getting encouragement from human beings, and they forget about getting FROM ME! I can forget about my heartbeat, i have forgotten anyway, what's there to lose, when its already lost? I forgotten my destiny, i ran and ran, and now i am lost. No been lost since dont know when.

You should have first understood how i felt, understood that if you are going to get into my head, you cannot force your way in. Wrong move. I understand what you mean. BUT SO WHAT? Its not always knowing you know, its how you feel.

Scintillate, Sparkle, Shine