This year hasn't been easy. In fact extremely difficult, tough, and painful, and obviously not smooth at all. I still feel really confused, and mistreated, accused, and misunderstood in some way.
I pray next year will be a smoother year.
I wonder about my ministry, my education, my calling, my life, my God.
I am starting to really see them grow, and wala...its a new year approaching, means refresh, remake, and a new game plan. Kind of starting to hate that. I seriously wonder which cell i am at now. My assimilation was never smooth either. God...i dont like this...in fact hate it...but i shall still praise your name. I trust you God.

Dom...i do wonder about your question too, and my answer is the same as yours...if your current answer now is still die, then i charge you responsible, to rise up and make the cell a strong one, a loving one, a united one, an inclusive one, an on fire one, a passionate one, and most importantly God fearing one.
Hope i made a difference in all of them, guess i did.

God though my work is short, i am still pretty hurt from all this confusing nonsense...but God i pray your favour will still be upon the place i am about to leave...

Amen.

I wrote 303 posts this year alone, mostly in the august and September month...
This year been a hard one, the most painful year in my whole life.
The images remain so vivid, and the feelings, not anywhere near distant, everything that i just reflected seems just like yesterday.

January to April was more of a floating season, trying to find direction.
May was school, and it was boring and dead.
June was a horrible season, like seriously, 3 days of straight complain about school, the period where i wanted to quit poly, which i did.
July was a series of mistakes, and downfalls all stringed together, guess God was in the middle of it all still.
August was breaking out of Poly, but entered into a season of lonely self study, so far watched about 1000 videos on stumbleupon.
Then November and early December was camp comm...sweet at the end, besides that bitter and traumatic, still suffering under the effects of PTSD. Mean it.
Now the end of year, everything seem just like yesterday.

For all the posts i read and will be reading i will honour this post...think its a post where i fought really hard within...

- Dont give up in your fight, dear boy.
God taught you to stay on, wait for the later part of the show, cause you never know if you would be in for a surprise.
You are an overcomer, so keep fighting, remember you told yongzilla, stop focusing on your problem, instead your solution, keep your eyes on God.
Remember your confidence is not in men, but in God. You may lose yourself in the world, but know who stands beside you, who is the one who holds you together.
Remember, the joy of the Lord is my strength, strive to put the smile on God's face. When you do so, your pain seems to fizzle away.
Son, remember Jesus went through times whole lot more tougher than you, he pulled through, by perseverance, acquire that spirit.
Remember, stick with your changes and learn from your mistakes, step by step, follow God s plan. Perfect plan. Your life would be nicer that way.
God teach me to do so, to die to my carnal desires and follow your way, to stop fitting you into my life, but instead lay it all down, so you can fit me into your plan.
God, i am an overcomer! Teach me to live like one.

God i am bringing you into next year...

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Now playing: Outputmessage - Glintz
via FoxyTunes

I inserted a new tagboard. Its the second letter L.

I've been thinking, and am still thinking.

Hmmm....

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Now playing: Corrinne May - Love Song For #1
via FoxyTunes

THE SADDEST PART ABOUT ICE CREAM...

is when you look into your cup...

and find out...

There is NO MORE ICE CREAM LEFT.

When was the last time you told someone you love him or her. Simply just as a friend?

When was the last time you made someone smile?


Thank you for loving me.

TYFLM.

Sigh...
Gosh this is such wrong thinking. Pissed with parents, yes pissed not piss, so its a good time to only recollect your thoughts when you arent angry anymore, at least chilled. Chilled myself in about 10 mins?

You know parents calls us rude, but thing is they are humans as well, so what makes you think they arent rude as well?
Like if they call us ridiculous, arent they ridiculous at times as well? And isnt it very unfair if we have no chance in saying our end?
Its scary to really start thinking, that sometimes arguments simply happens because the perception differ, and whats even more scary is that both arent wrong, neither are they right, they are just... different.


Most guys across the face of this earth has this two weaknesses. Girls, and food.
Should never give a scolding to any guy, when he is hungry, and sleepy, even if its not a scolding, try to talk in a better tone, if not he might just blow up.


But i will not turn down the fact they care. And many a times they care too much.

Under any conditions, you should not rebel your parents, but make peace.

Congrats :)
Innova it is. =)

However, i think i donated my uniform away.

It makes me think.
I mean if all our parents are complaining about our hygiene, i mean so many of us, what would happen when our generation, grows up and become parents. Would our hygiene go down?
What about usage of language? If they all think our words are crude, and yet our generation thinks otherwise, then what would happen when we all turn into parents?

It makes me wonder.

A sudden realisation occurs. I prefer contemporary Asian music, mostly pieces composed by the chinese and japanese. More so with the japanese.
Went to piano concert, another realisation. I know i sleep when the music is played well, and the melody lacks vibrancy and excitement, little in mistake and beats are just soothing, that causes me to sleep. Great way to wake me up in concerts is to just simply play something that varies a lot in dynamics, beat is irregular due to emotional variation, notes that runs over the whole piano, over many octaves, with louds and softs spilled almost everywhere the piece.

I like music that has a touch of child likeness in it, where the notes are bright resounding colours, where you see children leaping through fields of flowers, the sun shining down on them, smiles on their faces. Yes thats the music i like. Music where it makes you feel like you can run, with energy, with belief, with confidence.

I am still not sure if i got into IJ. I dont want to put so much hopes onto IJ, i mean i wanted to do video in Ngee Ann, in the end i landed up in SP, Mass comm. Its been many months, and i think its the first time in my life i have so much time to think about my next step in education, i kind of feel belonged.
Science stream. Math. Chem. Bio/Phy. Lit.
Cca. Track * I know, but i like the idea of running =) might do team sports if it doesnt work out here. And Counsel. * Still considering, i think the people who makes the mark in a school, are not really people who score really well, i mean so many people does that, but its those who makes a difference, by making the school a better place.
I am thinking about the end of JC life. I guess i have quite a few friends who took A s this year. They make me think. I feel that A s seems far. But i got a feeling its going to be short. We will see my feelings then. But memories, yeah i talked about them.

Its been sometime that i want to blog with style, where words does not simply just describe, but potray as well. Where words create images in your brain, just like music, where repetitions seldom occur, style varies yet, remaining a touch of familiarity.I would admit, my english is turning warped. Where different words are being placed in the same sentence, and it somehow only makes sense to me. Guess thats what contemporary english is.

GodYour love endures forever

Removed my widom tooth.
Still hurting.
Injected in the gum.
80 bucks. The numbness was as if someone punched me on my left cheek. Wisdom tooth is about 3 cm tall? Its like almost full grown tooth.

Now i cannot eat dinner. Sad. Like if take out cotton from my mouth, there will still be blood. and like something disappear from my mouth.

Oh the taste of blood totally sucks. Like something dry and silvery goes down your throat.
Salty? I dont know...

Taste of blood.

Afraid
that a dream i wait to fulfill after a decade comes crashing down all together.
And while
Waiting
a sense of liberation and freedom runs through my skin.
My Confidence belongs to God
but i wonder if its there.


I Trust God.
But...

Is this trust an expectation to fulfill my dream,
or...
I really hold on to God's hand and know he will just give me what is best...which may not be the dream i am having right now.


No...God does not fail me, i fail myself.

Figured exits are not always simply a door, but at times a pathway.
Figured an exit may be an entrance, or an exit, or...both.

Figured, maybe loss is an emotion. Maybe not feeling is an emotion.
Figured, loss is simply noticing an entity's absence, loss places us with two choices, retrieve what is lost, or to continue mourning.


Simplicity lost. Formality Gained.

A random thought.
Like really random...

A guy leads.
A girl follows.

Leading encompasses, being a girl's security, giving direction, holding her hand, being her strength when she is weak and in need, being there even when the girl has hurt him, most importantly seeking God before seeking the girl. *Something most guys would fail at doing so. And as a guy and speaking for most guys, i think its seriously not easy to achieve this. And in my opinion all guys in a relationship should learn to still Seek God before seeking the girl, before they marry.

Following encompasses, being the guy's comfort, supporting, listening, giving feedback, covering loopholes, and most importantly watching his back, praying for him. *I dont really know how to put this across, not a girl, thing is the guy is able to fall back? Rely on the girl?

And if any one of them fails to perform his/her role well, the couple would malfunction. Note the word function is still present, thus they function but on unsteady ground. Here God enters the picture.

Again, be reminded random thought...

God be the writer.
God be the writer of the love story of those who read this post.
God let their love story be one that they are proud to claim that its by God's grace and planning. That they do not rush it, that God be uplifted in their story.


We = Couples, and yet to be couples/



"We smile not only because we love each other, but also because God is the writer of the story."


Dave Reardon to megalife...

Camp was crazy.

Crazy in logistics.
Crazy in worship.
Crazy in games.
Crazy in food =))) Dont you think so? This year's camp food was really two thumbs up. And proud to have came up with the fruit and egg tarts, sadly egg tarts were invaded by ants. Oh two thumbs up compared to previous years.
CRAZY IN SUPPER!!! Wa...missed two service because of milo, and cup noodles. Sometimes i really think people should appreciate the hardwork put into logistics. Like first we miss service, next we sweat out so much, and best...come and say milo not nice.
Eh, ever spent 2 hours of your life making milo? Making milo possible for supper?

I would really want to thank God, for letting me have the last say, that camp comm was fun in the end. And among all the past 7 camps, this camp group = camp comm, was the best! =) And filled with the most nonsense. Spent enough time to have internal jokes of GG!!! 15 mins, 10 mins, FRESH, Xiong Di Jie Mei Men, FED UP LA!!! Dead lee. Ah Quah, Ah lee, and Ah lam. The list goes on...was really fun =)
But the logis is killer...and i want nothing to do with admin for the next seven days.

Its killer because you have a whole room of mess, and you have no idea where to start.
I am glad i was able to contribute to the change in people's lives. I really think it was a memorable camp. In games, in Worship, and to me in LOGIS!!! Wa...not complaining, but its like really, WA!!!...can die...which many times i did, just found enough strength to do bit by bit.
All in all, i think i slept less tahn 15 hours. Bathe like 6 7 times because of logs, and someone keeps complaining about me being smelly, haha, not like i want, but aiya...okay nvm. Eh i feel like putting a filter on your nose.

Anyway, i really hope everyone received something from camp, lives are changed, and for the special workshop, let everyone learn something, harbour no hatred, and let the lesson learnt impact your world. And to me, the workshops though may have been heart aching for me to see some of your go through it, but compared to outer limits, this was nothing, like seriously. SERIOUSLY!!!

Okay sorry to those who got their heads banged, but i was really tired...and as much as i wanted to stop your from banging your head on the tables, my throat was dry from guiding the people before you. I was flustered, because canteen was wet, so was the ice station, and the masking tape came out, so did your rafia string. I felt like i held a hundred pair of hands to go through the canteen area, which i think i did, maybe even more. And yes, i am glad i was able to guide certain people whom i cared a lot. Ya. You are remembered.

For hell, i have no idea. But i really want to clear anyone who has the misconception that when you go hell, its a wrong thing, you are a failure. You are condemned. All of that is just a misconception so please flush it out. You go to hell, and learn how is it like to suffer, if it was painful, difficult in there, for just a few hours, than what about your friends who arent saved? I really hope all who went "hell" Will find the motivation to save one more. Guess thats how i found mine. As subtly as all of you who were tricked, likewise your unsaved friends.

Launch pad.
Action your prophecy. Personalise it.

Pursue Jesus

P.s

I am still confused in a lot of areas, i still find reasons to change church. And they are many. But i know i will remember my heartbeat for megalife. I remembered what nick yeo said to me, its time for newblood * Many many years back, when i was sec 1 i think. And yes its time for newblood, make this generation, a generation that God is looking for.
Be the person that God sees your heart and is proud of it, that stands up for your faith, that carries your cross, that pursue Jesus.

I find myself having grown so much this year, bad year it may be, but indeed a gracious one as well. I find my stamina and endurance multiplied so many times. I still find this year the second time in my life where i said i've grown. I still think about next year, and the way i look at things now, is so much more further and at the same time short term. Further = 10 years down the road. My wife, kids, family, work, most importantly God. Short term = taking one day as it comes, and planning for the next as well.

All in all. Pursue Jesus, PJ's ending for every email. I dont receive emails from her, not idolising her, but Guys and Girls....

Really...
Really.....
REALLY....

Pursue Jesus.