I am proud of IJC s council. For a first time big event, they execute it with style.
Teacher's day performance was highly entertaining.
Our own teachers put up a drama acting as students, making fun of one another, and threaten to ban exams. The characters and plot in the story is partially based on the series Heroes.

Its kinda weird, but recently, Mr Lim has proven my father word's true. Mr Lim shown enough, to show that he actually cares.
I hope Mr Lin and Mr Cho sees the full extent of the appreciation and love embedded in our small yet significant gifts.

--

A sense of nostalgia overcomes me this afternoon.

I would say today, is the day that motivates me to be a teacher.
It seems to me that the career of teaching, is the only career that your past "clients" visits you.
However, entering teaching just for that simple reason would be too naive.

Where does your thoughts lead you to?

--



What do you see in his eyes?
What do you see through the placing of the fingers?
What do you see through those two holes?
Or should i use the word "these" instead of "those"?

What do you think is beyond, what you see?

Are you the one trapped within, or he who looks at you?

He is simply...
in need.

--

Mute Math - OK

Down on my knees down on my face
You just say it's ok
So many days I've thrown away
You just say it's ok
I don't think I could ever repay
Your perfect grace, but it's ok

It's ok, It's ok
It's ok, It's ok
You've become my embrace
Just tell me it's ok

Your precious words intoxicate
A heart that aches; it's ok
You don't recall my past mistakes
You just say it's ok
The human mind can't calculate
Your perfect grace, but it's ok

Even though you've seen a thousand times
I've let you down
You're always there if I should call your name
You're unashamed, unashamed

--

This song aptly puts in perspective the human fragility, our downfall, weaknesses, and most importantly redemption through God's grace.

I've been trying to explore the boundaries of grace, and i have yet to find any.
Rationale logic would have told me that there is no boundaries to the grace of God, yet i search hard.
I search hard because i want, yearn and struggle for His grace, His infinite grace.

Grace in itself inhibits the underlying decision to take things for granted. If we had not sin, if we had not taken His love for granted, His word charged onto Adam and Eve for granted, would grace still be needed?
Would grace be the key tool of redemption to our dying souls? (David Lurie, Disgrace)

Grace.

Power at its utmost beauty, and simplest of them all. Gentle is its nature.
Grace, is the evidence, of God's Love.
Grace, is the proof that God is God.
In all measures.
In all ways.

Anyway i find this song extremely astounding. This is what i call lyrics with depth, it definitely beat songs with lyrics that only express our desire for Him.
When such lyrics show our fragility, our fallen mind, doesn't it make you feel so...so in need of Him? Yet at the same time, making clear to us, His infinite worth, and unending love?
It simply increases our understanding of Him doesnt it?


Grace is the evidence of God's love.


This line somehow captivates me beyond words.
--

For those who wish to hear the track, this is a link.
Pardon the sound quality, bet it was recorded from a radio and uploaded online. Its the best i can find i guess. If you are dying for the real track, ask me over MSN =)




I find this photo extremely powerful.

--

Why was it two against a city?
Can the strength of two beat the strength of a mob?
Why, did such strife result? And from where does it come from?
Have they been neglected, till the point they no longer negotiate verbally, but physically?

How long can the strength of these two man hold?
Is determination able to overcome the drive to gain?

What do you hear as you stare upon this photo?
Shouts? Screams? In desperation? In anger, rage, disappointment?

So much is left to the imagination of the human mind.

--

Think again when you see another photo.

--

Every photo tells a story.

Darkness stretched its arm to the corners of the room. No light was allowed to exist in their presence. It was so dark, that they literally breathe the darkness. They sit on two separate couches, side by side.

Stiff. Still. Silent.

For the next ten minutes, they exchanged not a single word, and only the sound of their breaths polluted the silence.

Not a single time, did they exchange glances.

"Time?" One burst the rhythmic breathing. The sound of a single syllabus sounded so...so frightening, in the midst of still breathing.

A long pause punctuate the following minute, before the other one spoke up.

"Time is defined as

an instance or single occasion for some event; "This time he broke the rhythm.";

a period of time considered as a resource under your control and sufficient to accomplish something; "I used my time wisely."

an indefinite period ;"He was a great actor in his time"

a suitable moment; "It is time to cease the existence of light."

"Whats the time?"

"10.48"

"Eternity?"

"I like eating egg and ham sandwich. What about you?"

"I like listening to Beethoven. The piano suffers under his torturous fingers. He never ceased to make them work and produce those chaotic sounds, clashes of death, it was as if the notes on the scores were inked in red, in blood, and the scores written on paper that certified death penalties. He was clearly in...."

"Where is the plate?"

"Achievements?"

He shifted in his chair, took a deep long breath, and slowly heave it out.

He cringed. Discomfort scratched his dry bones, and his blood turned sour, yellow in colour.
He reached for the lamp.
With the click of a button, he broke the commandment, and willfully allowed light to enter into their dreaded presence.

He recoiled violently. He fawned, showing great submission of fear. Terror seized his brain and his spine threw itself back and forth. His frail body was having a hard time to keep himself in tact.

"Please, i beg you, not the light. My skin burns." He screeches.

It hisses, sizzles, and smoke arose from the surface of his body.

Another click, to smite out the unwanted visitor.

The following breathes, was palpitated with relief. Deep heaves has caused his chest to rise and fall. And one could hear his bones cracked under the pressure.

Another long silence followed.

The hand reached for the lamp again...

"Wait! I broke the records."

"I rather listen to your screams than your words if you stop one more time." He hissed in subjugation.

"I killed many. Innocent in their infancy, evil in their acts, merciless and ruthless. Disgust and filth constantly afflicted my throat, i have no choice but to end their insignificant lives."

"Significance?"

You could hear his teeth clatter.
The couch sink, an object was moved across the table.
He lit a cigarette, yet his face could not be seen, it was as if he wore darkness as a mask. His hands were clawed, soaked in blood.

"The clock has ticked twenty minutes away. How have you used it wisely?"

The lamp clicked again.
No screams were heard.
He looked at himself in the mirror, and a smug stretched itself across his own face.

He switched off the lamp.

--

I thought this story felt rather morbid, and sardonic to be honest. But i love the way its being weaved, with no apparent direction, yet bounded with definitions.
Come to think of it, i feel a little disturbed by the story.
For those who are confuse, you have two options, read again and try to comprehend again, or forget about the story.

If you did not pay attention to the 4th dot behind the line, "He was clearly in...." in the Beethoven section, then you have just learnt how particular i am with details. The 4th dot is significant.

--

I met many people yesterday.
My primary school friend, ex classmates in st gabs, and Hui Ting.
I did not pre arrange to meet these people. I bumped into them while out with Edwin Thia.
Some i like, some i dislike.

--

My new realised hobby: People watching.

--

I dropped certain academic ideas.
Somehow i was persuaded and convinced.

--

Church today. Airport Tomorrow.

--

Its interesting that i have found none that thought it was possible between these two entities.
And many found the other entity pleasing to the eye.
Honestly, i am tempted.
Define Beauty.

--

Thou shall not covet.

--

Here s something to clear your mind.





Smiles!

My views were challenged today, by GP.

Is it right to issue death penalties?
There are innocent people getting killed each year, due to misjudgment.
Its inevitable that misjudgment happens, we are all humans after all.
What do we have to say to those innocent lives we took under the justification of death penalties?


All war is nothing more than an "Organized crime." Do you agree?

--

Read the following slowly, and reflect on your morals and beliefs.

Extracts from GP notes:

Most people who murder do not see beyond their action; they kill quickly in moments of great fear or emotional stress.

More significant is the possibility that legal executions may stimulate violent crimes by exemplifying society's approval of killing.

In the 1800s, Georgia law provided death for Blacks convicted of raping a White Woman, while a $25 fine was the punishment of a White convicted of raping a Black woman.

In Florida, black offenders who murder whites are 40 times more likely to end up on death row than whites who kill blacks.

The death penalty has no effect on reducing crime rate.

People would like to believe this punishment (Death penalty) is justified by reason, when in fact it results only from helplessness and rage.

The death penalty teaches that killing is sometimes acceptable, while denying the fundamental humanity of all people (The right to live) - including those who commit atrocious act.

People who are not as skillful as others in expressing themselves verbally may find it more rewarding to express themselves in ways in which they will do better, such as physical threat or violence.

--

Why is it acceptable to kill in wartime and not in peacetime?

The cost of keeping an inmate in custody is US$50 per day, while the cost of a person death row is about $100.
Over 50 years it would cost 1.285 million to finance such an inmate.
It is soul-destroying to count the lives of people in terms of dollars, but now ask yourself: is S$85million a year better spent on lifesaving treatment for children with cancer, or on keeping convicted murderers and drug traffickers alive in prison?

Would you be willing to forego or downgrade the quality of medical treatment for your loved ones, to subsidise that life sentence?


What if a deaf child was strapped with a remote-controlled bomb and unknowingly made to advance upon a crowd (where the bomb will be detonated) -- if law enforcement cannot persuade the child to halt, or evacuate the crowd quickly enough, should they open fire?

--

So, is it right to still take a life?

--

I will leave it up to God to decide.
Such complicated matters, i once yearned to understand and engage my brain when i was younger.
I've learnt to fall on back on simplicity the past few years.
When you hold no final answer to the question posed, simplicity is the key.

As God puts it in Proverbs, "Let the punishment fit the crime."
Yet which human on this earth, has never administered decisions, or made judgments, without once being bias or with a discriminating attitude?



For those who aren't into soccer skills.
Get acquainted.




Thursday: Slackest day of JC life
5 and a half hours of break, inclusive of assembly.
For those who didnt have mother tongue, that would be 8 hours break.
The only lessons on that day, GP lecture, and PE.

PE was tremendous fun, first time playing ultimate frisbee match.
Happy with my performance.
The girls were well spaced out, proud of them for that.
I respect girls who obey that simple concept.
LJ was just a monkey, for constantly stealing the frisbee, Heh.
"Eh drop ah, drop ah."

Wanted to go airport in the midst of the 4 hours break.

--

I want a camera.
Lets see how long this longing holds.

I photo browsed today.
Think most of them are just disgusting.

--

Why are people so dumb?
I cant stand it when Singaporeans dont know how to move all the way to the rear in the bus.

--

As easy as i influence others with words, i too am influenced by theirs. its surprising, how much i remember a person says? Yet sometimes they dont remember what they said.

--

I created a game on Thursday =)
Writing down the association. Using 50 words to show links between each word, an entity, the last word is pre defined.

Yes its just me to do that.
I saw how my imagination took no straight line, yet touched on different dimensions.
It was brain draining.

--

Mugging in airport is fun.
Abel is right, dont be afraid of taking breaks.

A friend asked me today, "Why her?"
3 to 4 times. "Why her?"

My first answer in my head, "She's different."
An absolutely naive, childish, and totally moronic answer to me.
I refuse to allow that answer to be my answer.

After some rethinking, "Her smile rocks.".
I instantly received a refute from my cognitive organ, reprimanding me for finding another friend's smile being more awesome!

I walked towards the bus stop with my pal.
"No one else can..."
I blurted, a subtle smile hints.

--

I went to the toilet and found a better answer =)

She is irreplaceable.
My friend thought that was either a lazy answer, or a complex one.

Yet to that statement, i thought...Irreplaceable only under the condition...

*Sorry for the inconvenience caused, as the above statement was replaced with 3 dots.

--

My dad chased a thief with a broom.
He told me that the money the thief took was enough to pay 8 years of installment for the house i am living in now. Its half a million yen i think.
He joked, "Yo brother!" Statement is directed to the thief, "I am an old man, so are you, why not we just split the money 50-50 and go home?"

--

There are many things i want to do.
And gaining better control over my frontal lobe is one of them.
I have discipline to some extent, but measuring the discipline, is a much more interesting way to do things.
One of them is to blog only on Saturday.
I experienced different mugging environment.
And I've been wanting to mug in the airport from 10 to 10.
Will try it soon.
The airport seems like the greatest place to mug, since its big, vast, spacious, and the chance to walk around every time you award yourself a break.

--

I like the idea that some people are "republishing" from my posts =)
But i think it might stop...so hee.

Sunshine :D

--

Regarding the first and second section of this post:
I wrote it down, because...i just like the narration of it.
No seriously.

My friend's right in saying i should have a good answer to that question.
But i prefer not to think about such things, its best left in the "freezer" apartment of my brain.
Whats the point of thinking and only being able to do one thing; Wait.

--

Geraldine Chang if you ever read this...
"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."
Hebrews 10:36

Guess that verse came at a moment where i needed something to cheer me on.
Rethink. Reset. Revive.
It's written on the 2004 Christmas Gift, which is a... a... i have no idea whats that blue thingy called. Surprisingly, its one of the best gift i ever received =) Thanks.
I like my current wallet.

Things still look rather disastrous to me now, and its going to take years before everything looks approachable.
When will we stop clashing?
Its highly irritable.

Sometimes i wish words of wisdom, arent that wise...
Gerry Kong once said to me, "The older you grow, the greater your desire to get into a relationship."
I concede.
Pastor Daniel said, "I know some of you are feeling very lonely, (At that point of time, i did not feel lonely) but God is saying, wait, wait for the right one!"

I came to the conclusion, that life is all about waiting.
Ironically, we treat life as if there is no waiting to be done.
Honestly, aren't you waiting to die?
While waiting to die, you fight, with all your strength and determination, to make that wait last a little longer, a little more meaningful, a little more successful?

--

Nothing beats the feeling of warmth.
Yes. Warmth.

--

Fly like this man.
Stop and think.


Fly.

Let the nostalgic bits of it all fall into place.
Just open your heart and recall.


Each photo's value varies from individual to individual.

A photo might mean a very high value to me, because someone precious is in the photo, yet it means nothing more to you, when the photo is simply seen as two humans hugging one another.

Looking at ONE camp photos was rather interesting, there were some activities that happened i never knew happened.
Yes, the camp comm member doesn't know whats going on half the time, no, all the time.
Every group photo was...
It was like everyone was looking at you as you look at them and scrutinise the details.

This is what i mean.




I was wrong in my last post. I saw these photos.






No Ronald and Amanda did not lose half their heads, i think its just the shutter speed.

It was the very few photos taken while serving God and his people.
It was a chaotic night. I may have been smiling in that photo, but trust me, seriously, please trust me, it was a chaotic night for me.
Running around with a loud hailer giving instructions to the whole megalife felt so alone.

It was dark so it wasnt easy finding the other two.
Maybe they were off....
It was a chaotic night to me anyway.




My legs look short, it just the angels or the lens or both.
It was a nightmare preparing everything, having to squeeze into the van fighting for a space for my butt with the rest of the camp equipments and logistics.
My right leg, if i didnt remember wrongly, was cramping after half an hour of sitting on one butt cheek only.



For those who never knew how much we planned, to make it MMM.
Make megalife camp memorable.
These photos speak for themselves.
Its a tiny fraction of the time and energy poured in.
Simply because the photographer isnt in the camp comm.
To the camp comm this year, JIA YOU!

I love this photo because all 3 are people who matter a lot to me, in different ways and measures.
Come to think of it, it looked like a mugging session.


Do yourself the favour, look through the photos slowly if you have the time. You might find a lot more depth to the photos when you stop and think. When you let the details fall into place.



It was more than a pity that i didnt get the chance to spend time with my cell, i never got to see this expression till i saw the photo. I wished i had more time with them. Even while sitting with them, i was thinking of whats coming up next and what needs preparation.




I like the water baby idea, because it was mine. Please understand and remember the significance behind it!
Its your faith, dont lose it to anyone, or anything. Guard your faith with all your faith =)

The experiential workshop that was more than an experience to create.
You guys should have seen the OM's face, the expression: Priceless.
You guys didnt know how dirty it was, you went through the dirt, but the dirt was simply horrifying.
Especially the chin cha loke, (if thats how you spell it) which was all above the cupboards, disgusting! And the rotten eggs, thank God i didnt have to be in the toilet, but for those who were in there, i pray the lesson you all learn was one that will stick with you through all your life.

Having to guide everyone at the canteen, was just painful for the throat, aching for the legs, and heartache to see some of your closest just in the state they were in then.
If both of you never knew, and the few others, my heart went out to all of you.
That string i re tapped a million times, but it still came off.
I was the string for the hundreds.
Guiding all of you one by one through the final stages to "heaven".






To those who matter a ton to me in the photos.
You make me smile.
Trust me you do.
And i laughed at my stupidity for ...
Those photos are rare to come by.

Nick Vuijic, made that difference to my afternoon, he could tell i was ...
He made me smile, for the first time that day.













These photos are just classic =)
Think about the thoughts that went through their heads while the time for time to freeze, froze.
Seriously, look at the photos again and think about how was it like in their shoes at that particular moment.







So much emotions in these photos.
Hear the voices that shout.







The worship you cant miss.
The heartbeat behind every hand lifted, behind every hand cupped under the chin.



And for the brother who is going to sleep in my room tonight =)
Kor you rock!
And i love the way you tried to cheer the whole camp comm up when we were all so tired and demoralised. If you never knew, it made a huge difference. Xiong di jie mei men =)
I think my brother is hot =)
Dont you just love the way his hands gesture?
Maybe...only i do.

And for Randolf, that breakfast note, IS IMPRINTED INTO MY MEMORY. Care at its utmost.


Having a friend who takes pictures, rocks!
Ian thanks for the time spent together over this weekend, it made things special =)
You've grown, I'm glad.

--

I want a camera, i know i can take photos.
I want a decent jacket, Ian's adidas one would be my bench mark.

--










If you are still thinking about ONE camp, dont read the next part.









I dont know what s up with my church, there is like someone getting admitted to the hospital every week in this ministry. I mean someone's relative, family member, etc...i guess our prayers are heard. I know cause there are sms chains which asks us to pray for mou mou ren.

--

I mugged GP today.

I wrote these down:
In Singapore, perceptions are educated and not formed from experience.
Is terrorism justified?
Suicide bombing:
To terrorists, they voice their message, to us, they voice their violence.
Violence inevitably leads to more violence.
Eradicate terrorism not by counter violence, but a renewal of perception, values, set of beliefs and conviction. Through a renewal of perception.
Terrorist's think in certain repulsive ways due to classical conditioning.

Conviction leads to action.

--

Ronald said this to me on our first visit as camp comm to ffms.
When you think outside the box, you find yourself in a bigger box.

I thought about this today.
The more i know, the more i know i don't know.

--

My new found favourite song, been listening to it for about 50 times today.

Mixed tape - Jack's mannequin

The lyrics that apply a lot to my life now.


But it was you I was thinking of
It was you I was thinking of
It was you I was thinking of

and

And I can't get to you
I can't get to you
I can't get to you
you, you

--

I just love this post. The photos?
Awesome!

The song is stuck in my head, bits and pieces, i am sick of Mixed Tape, but it means quite a bit.
When the holiday wakes from its slumber, i am definitely filling up my Ipod with Christian music.
I somehow just dont feel like listening to songs i used to listen to years ago. Which means old hillsongs songs.
I am a little surprise, i am not doing too bad even though i listen to 99% secular music, but i know which to avoid, the Holy Spirit does prompt, thus those albums are about to meet their extermination. They are there, because i just ripped anyway.

Skipping rocks.

I need to speak more tongues, i realised i haven been having the opportunity to do so, i mean in church and all. Which means i haven really been praying.
I am more of random praying. Much more.
Compared to last year, i am spiritually well off, i guess.

--

I am doing my MRI scan tomorrow.
I hope the injection isnt going to be ZZZ.
But the thought of lying still in a huge magnetic machine thrills me.
It costs, even though subsidies taken into account, it still is 110 - 140.
I know 1 injection is far from the 20 Ronald receives, but i hate injections anyway.
I hope my Dad's gigantic infected pimple will be cured in the name of Jesus amen.
Serious, its huge like, 1cm in diameter?

I wonder if i will still find acceptance.


I am perceiving.
I dont jump to conclusions, and i figured some stuff.

--

My father caught a thief. The thief grabbed the bag of money, my father shouted at him, and fear struck the thief. It was all by the Holy Spirit. The thief had a knife as long as a 30 cm ruler. He was taller than my brother, but he was old. My father leaped at him and caught him. The police came.

I am so glad i didnt lose my father to some stupid thief with a 30 knife.

--

Through this weekend, i find people who appreciates me a lot =)
My brother is one. Ian has grown in his appreciation =) and for all the AOs, who talked to me. Thanks. Joylynn, Sherron, and of course, Charm.
There was Jeremiah too.
Had a nice chat with Carissa Toh while watching Freddy Boey's cup.
I love people whom i can talk to, yet we talk once a year kind? Guess Carissa s one of them. Thanks for sharing, if you ever read this...

Alex made his fist official goal, proud of you boy! =)
It was a goal with style.

Alex pre planned it. He told my brother, if you were to score a goal, run to the corner, and i will use the flag to knight you. My brother agreed enthusiastically.
The scene unfolded before my eyes.
As Carissa Puts it, "CLASSIC"

--

I had to switch in between my social circles on sat night. It was an extremely weird feeling. In the distance of 300m, my social circles co existed.

Wayne's party was interesting. I never seen a host serve so much, i guess he has a heart of a servant. I wont conclude now, cause i dont make final conclusions till i see enough.

He cuts the entire cake by himself and served everyone.
I shall commend him for his cake cutting skills.

--

I saw ONE camp photos, it wasnt easy going through them. My heart felt heavier as each photo leaps into my vision. The only photos with me inside, are photos where i was preparing for the next activity. Camp comm was pretty much a nightmare, yet quite an experience.
Thus an experiential nightmare.

It was just photos with people in service and games. The heavy heart sets in, knowing that you arent in those pictures, because you never had the time to sit through an entire service. Yes i still stand by the view that i paid 150 bucks to do manual labour. But its for God. It was a good price i guess.

The special workshop was an experiential workshop for those who prepared.
Staying up to see the early birds wake up was just mm.
7Am, the sun rose and Joey set.

Within the next 6 hours i saw something extremely beautiful. I cant figure why i found so much beauty, but my eyes and brain just told me so. I want to see it again.
There is so much more than this.

--

One of the saddest things that happened last year, was the one whom i hoped (i didnt say expect) to understand the most, understood the least, and because of that, it hurt the most. There was a girl, whom i never met before in megalife, simply teared from my short sharing of 3 mins. She has so much empathy that i wont forget that time frame. How can someone empathise so much in such a short time frame?

Yes it was a nightmare. For those who dont know, i seriously had traumatic dreams on camp.

One of anyone's worst fear is that, you wait ten years for someone, to see yourself getting rejected. The painful part is in that ten years, you keep thinking about that possibility.

--

I feel thoroughly misplaced. Visiting megalife makes me feel that way. I figured that all my close friends live miles away from me. I fought hard in desperation to keep myself out of my house tonight. I succeeded, thank God.

I wonder if my cell mates back in COS bukit timah will ever understand, how its like to miss people whom are close to your heart, and you havent seen them in one month, its more than that.
Its growing up in a place and now you go somewhere else and think what are they doing back at where you grew up.

Twice i came, and twice i miss.
Yes i imagine how was it like talking again, i had some of the most absurd and outright ideas.
I wonder if talking to Jolynn worked. If her questions were pre-planned, if they were, i didnt mind stepping into that trap.

--

I've been thinking about this for a few months, but inconsistently.

There is most probably, an intelligence divide that has happened across this globe, and that divide is widening.

--

Lit brings you to many places, yet it brings you nowhere.
In the figurative sense, then the literal sense.

--

I went to airport to enjoy its ambiance for a mere 45 minutes. It was short, but not satisfying enough, but i am contented anyway. I am contented cause i spent it with 2 friends who both matter a lot to me. For those whom i wish was there, i guess i will enjoy that liberty with you guys next time when you three grow old enough.
I seriously i hope i can mug enough tomorrow.

--

I've been having pre conceived notions of my friends. I am wrong in doing so. They change. I should eradicate these pre conceived notions.

--

I wish one day you would entrust your heartstrings to me.
Make me feel significant to you, cause you are to me.

--

I wrote this short letter to someone who mattered a lot.
Someone who i think about and whispered many prayers for.


Copyrighted from memory.

In this letter, there is a thought.
In this thought, love is found.
In love there is care.
In care there is significance.
You are significant.
You matter to me.

--

I think we all need time.
We need more time.
I believed in certain individuals in my lives, and decide to care so much for them, simply because i know IN DUE TIME, things would work out. You can bring the best out of them.

Time is needed to make a good dish, time is needed for God to mold you.
Give someone that time, dont give up on that person.
You shouldnt give up on that person, because God didnt give up on you.

--

I've met so many people this year, that i added 100 contacts in 6 months. There are people whom i hang out with and i dont add, i just cant be bothered anymore. I would estimate i got to know 200 people, and by face, 400 people in total.

How?
Changed church twice.
Pre U sem had like 600 people there?
In Innova I keep my eyes on the lookout for new eye candies to make my day.

--

I have the feeling that i am changing slower than the events that are happening around me.
Like these events are moving at a faster pace than me changing.
I feel like 17 still.

--

Some of my closest reminded me not to miss out on the forest just because of one tree.

I thought about it, i guess i am sticking with this tree because i think i found a "gem" (Whatever that is precious to you, and you know you wont find it anywhere else in the forest) and i know i wont be able to find this "gem" to be as precious as the other "gems" hidden beneath other trees. But as i take time to dig for that gem, i found none.
Patience runs out, and i ponder if i am digging the wrong tree.
Time is the deciding factor.

Give someone else that time, dont give up.

--

My brother once said this to me, "The older you grow, the less Christmas presents you give out." I cant agree more.

--

There is an art, i might want to do, its called...

So much more than this.

--

I asked God why must i live so far?
Because you wont be contented if you lived so near.

God why do i lead such a life? (Having so many social circles, and "belonging" to everywhere yet nowhere)
Because you wont be contented to be an ordinary bloke who only get stuck in one area.

God why do i have such a unique (weird) thinking?
Because you would ask for something more. You dislike being ordinary, you like being extra ordinary.

--

I wrote this on my sermon notes on saturday, as i see many things change in the place where i grew up.
I think the PA system makes it feel like airport.

In life the only constant is everything is a variable.
All but one constant, God.

God is the only constant.

"I'm Still here."

--

God bring significance to my life. I know those who are near me will tell me that, but i am finding my significance somewhere else in this stage of life.

All i need is time.

God, "Granted."

As David Lurie aptly puts it, the breakdown of the human language, more so English.
Where words fail to communicate and convey the human thoughts and emotions.

I've been seeing this happen, and most probably would see more.

I am proud of my lit PC surprised, abrupt time assignment. Even though badly organised, i have driven my points so deep, that i set a record for myself.


The breakdown of human communication.


To those loved and treasured, please believe me, before i stop believing in what i am claiming.

My words contain embedded messages to special individuals in my life.

I feel out of place.
I've always felt this way.
Its weird that you feel weird about your individuality, uniqueness, and how God created you.
Maybe life is part of learning how to accept what God made you to be. How God made you different.
(CAR)

I feel like I'm 17, living with a bunch of classmates who really act like 17. It doesnt seem like a fact that i can buy alcohol, smoke, and get trialled in supreme court and end up in jail. It seems unreal. I have yet to accept that fact i guess.
(Classmates)

I am starting to mug =)
(Elvin)

I am excited about Friday, cause my beloved and missed brother is finally flying away from kimchi. Which means i will go airport, which is a place i've been wanting to go for a week.
I would be able to meet a precious friend on Friday =)

I am currently happy as i await in anticipation for all these events to unfold. The long weekend too =)
I would most probably go back to megalife this weekend, but i feel bad for pang seh-ing COS. Starting to feel at home there. I think i would miss the people there badly too when i move on. I am glad i am not making the effort to make friends over there. Seriously, i dont want to make friends over here in COS. Cell is more than enough.

Most of the time my dreams consist of people whom i miss, long to be with, or have not seen for a very long time. Visiting Ian's blog definitely brought back memories and how it was like in Poly cell, even though it was not a cell that impacted my life deeply or brought tons of growth, but it definitely brought serenity, comfort, and the 2 precious friends were more than comforting.
(Nat and Ian)
I wish i was there. I guess I've been to too many places and gain the ability to miss too many people. The price to pay for living in a place where all of your close friends live everywhere but near you.

I learnt the difference between treasured, and precious friends.
Treasured are those whom you can confide in, precious are those who you don't want to lose.
(Cheryl Tan)

I wish i was there to see the smiles of my precious friends, since they are precious their smiles, or whatever that made them must smile, must have been precious.
(Treasured ones, particularly Nat and Ian in poly cell)

I am still debating.
Passion, then commitment.
Or Commitment then passion?
I think i am pro - former.
However, CCAs would promote the latter even if you lacked or lost the passion.
I guess i lost the passion for singing.
I've been hopping around so many CCAs that some relations might have turned sour, it isnt fatal to my social life, but it should have been avoided, but my hopping brought me intangible knowledge and experience.
(Jill)

I lost 700g, in half an hour.
200g in the toilet, and 500 from simply running around.
And i am out =)

I skipped **** today at home, when no one was around. It was interesting. My socks were literally soaked.

The sense of inferiority actually still feels real. God i pray you help me remove it, or you remove it, in the next few years. I am eroding it i guess. My imagination is...exhilarating as usual, however few appreciates, even fewer understands.
My future wife doesnt have to imagine like the way i do, but God i pray she understands and appreciate it all together. No i trust you to bless me with someone like this. YOu Know Best.

--

God my prayer remains.
My answer's the same.
With just one aim.
To glorify your name.

To wait
To be patient.
To have self control.
To write the most beautiful
Love story many would remember.

--

A decade and a thousand miles away.


Jesus

I dreamt.
Had a lot of REM sleep this weekend =)
My dreams were interesting.
Most of them consists of people whom i miss, and i want to be with.
One of the person, happen to fall into both categories.

There was one dream where it took on a whole different dimension.
I dreamt of the house i lived in, as big as a school.
People walked through my house to get to their house which is part of my house.
There are many buildings as my house, its as if i owned a condo.
And there was one moment where i turned and looked all around me, and all that i saw was my house.

I dreamt of that. And questions sunk in. With the additional sermon on sex, love, and lust, that sort of stuff. I wonder if its still possible.

--

The starving monster. The substitute for intimacy.

--

That beyond the layers of ingenuity, if i would be able to dig deep enough to find the genuine bit. If i ever do so, i guess i succeed. Of course consistency in genuinity. However, the first step might just be the most difficult step. The second step, is as difficult but on a different dimension.

Still in my opinion, it could have been so much more.
Things were'nt ready, but seriously, it could have been...


So


Much


More.



Life = risk

If you have never met failures in life, you never lived.