I am undecided and i am still unable to come to peace with my past and present.
Though there are places where they are starting to intersect, but mostly its still separated.
[
Glad Car thinks Candice is nice.
For a first time dota player i think Car played really well.
Then again i was teaching her half the time.
But her simple obedience towards the most basic rules was impressive.
Yet to find a girl that can play as well for a first time.
]
God what should i say about the new found family and the old family left behind?
Both are families right?
Mm...
I guess people want to see my face every week.
I think it brings them comfort as they are accustomed to seeing my face every week.
When i removed myself from their presence, they feel disturbed?
They feel unsettled? [yeah thats a better word.]
Old family wish i am back there because i have been with them for so many years and now i remove myself for practical reasons.

I'll be honest, i never felt a sense of belonging when i was back with the old family.
I was tempted to leave.
And i left.
Now that i left, so many yearn for me to return.
Especially the little kids and josh.
Their words i will not forget.
Little kids,"When are you coming back? How come so long never come church already."
I wish i was able to leave properly.
None cried about my departure, but i know what s in their heart.
I guess i really made a huge difference in their lives.
Some even thought i backslided.
I dont expect them to understand.
Them wishing me back is something that both brings a smile but a sad one.
Josh,"What will happen to me? You are the one who brought me into superlife, and then megalife, and now you are laeving?!?"
[If i didnt remember wrongly, he initially knew no one but me in both super and megalife]
I guess i made the transactions between each milestone in his christian walk a smoother one.
Thank You God for using me.

Honestly again, i dont feel that i learn anything much when i am with the old family.
Many things said seems rather obvious?
I just know my season there is complete.
But the truth is, how can i leave the past behind, or even totally forget about it?
Because by doing so, i have denied who i am today.
The past decisions and experiences determines the current me.
I wonder if i have taken my father's trait.
Church hopper.
I quite believe the social circles and contacts he have are so highly diverse.

God i am torn.
Torn between two families.
I know You will find a way for things to work out.
For a God who used His fingers to hold something bigger than the sun i see everyday, this is something much smaller in comparison.
I have faith in You.
:D