Oxygen from Christopher Hendryx on Vimeo.

I stared down at the jar of jam. Red, jelly like, crystalline. I reached out and shook the jar of jam, looking at the jam wiggle. I impaled the knife into the bottle of jam. The jam easily gave way, not bothered by the intrusion of a foreign object. Maybe we should be like the jam.
The whole meal bread still lay on the plate yet to be painted by jam. The knife still, unmoved, almost seemingly stuck.

Daddy used to bring little sister and I out for picnics. I just love how Daddy brings us out to do something fun. And its amazing how every time He brings us out, it doesnt rain, the clouds are fluffy, the sky is well...sky blue. We did this every alternate week for one whole year. I was five, and little sister was three.

We always went back to the same shady place, a five minutes walk from home, down that dusty road, swerve into a smaller right lane, and we will find ourselves this big oak tree. Its branches stretch far out wide, standing alone in this big field of green. I am sure it loves our company, and the big oak tree smiled every time he saw us approaching from a distance when the right lane ends. I actually wonder if the oak tree ever felt lonely when we werent sitting there on Saturday afternoons.

Once, when we were out for picnic, Daddy decided to bring one more extra bottle of jam.
Dad, why the extra bottle of jam?
You will see, Son
Little sister said something, I didnt hear because my eyes were glued to the extra bottle of jam. Somehow it just felt...uncomfortable to see an extra bottle of jam in the picnic basket.

We ate our usual share, stared at the sky, and watch the clouds go by. The breeze blew, and as time passed we ran out of bread. I stared inside the picnic basket and found that extra bottle of jam there, untouched.

Daddy, no more bread.
What do you think we should do, my princess?
Little sister picked up the bottle of jam and unscrewed the cap, pick up a fork and stuff it in.
She proceeds to stick half the fork into her mouth. Some jam fell onto her shirt.
Daddy, we can do that?
Son, no one said you can't.

Excitement rushed through me as I applied this new found technique. I stick the fork in, pull it out, shove it straight into my mouth. Oh that glorious taste, of pure jam, so sweet. It was absolutely awesome. Especially when the jam just melted inside my mouth. I was on a rush. Hungry for more of this ecstasy. A tinge of impatience creep in when little sister took her time to carefully lift out her fork from the jam bottle.

Little sister and I took turn to stick the forks into the jam bottle.
That day we finished two bottles of jam, instead of one. And well, the sky...somehow had a deeper blue to it. And everything felt sweet that day.

I stared back at the bottle of jam lying before me. I did a quick paint of jam over the piece of whole meal bread, and left for school.

When I saw my broken toy car lying on the floor, unwanted, wrecked and left in broken pieces, a surge of anger rose within. How could my little sister do this to my toy car? Out of brotherly love, I gave her my most beloved toy car to play with, and this is what it amounts to it. So this is how my little sister treats my gift for her? I will complain to Daddy.

I stormed into His room, frowning, and He naturally arose from His seat, followed me out of the room and looked at where my finger pointed. He smiled, eyes sparkling as usual.

It is okay son, you dont have to stop loving your sister just because of one broken toy.
But Daddy...
He smiled in silence.
I still refuse to disarm my anger. Daddy has no idea how precious that toy is to me.
Son, which is more important? That you always love your sister, or your toy?

Right there, on the floor was no longer a broken toy car, just pieces of plastic.

Son, take my hand and trust Me.

Lord, I lift up Joey in Your mighty hands. i thank you for a brother like him, and i pray that You will just continue to bless him in this new season of his life. i pray that You just let him feel that You will always be by his side as his source of joy, hope and strength, even as he is in army. I pray that you will just slowly reveal the great plan you have for him, because You said that You have
a plan that will give him a hope and a future. i pray that You will just carry joey if he faces tough stretches of life, and that you will use him as a vessel of Your love. I just thank You for Your renewed promises, in Jesus' name, Amen
<:o) happy birthday!

1st prayer for my 20th birthday.

Thurs Night Mic and mindy kon
Fri Evan Ikea Car Adam
Sat Eunice xing yu elvin edwin xiao ye an yu shi ping hui wen
Sun Edwin Evan Jing Wei
Mon Alex
Tues Rae Ian Joanne Joan Chai
Wed Relatives day?
Thurs Audrey Lim Tania Chan Sarah Ian

The scariest bit about humanly love, is that it is all just a feeling, a commitment, its all in the head, you stop thinking about that person long enough...you lose that passion, you've lost that feeling, you lost your love.

~~

I find myself slipping into another season
without really knowing
its like a tide..
washing you over
crashing down on you
and you arent ready
you were still holding on to somethings back there at the shore
like your head still looks towards the shore
yet the waves pull you away

~~

Keep edifying, because your light is fueled by His love.

~~

I wish I could press the pause button in my life, re-live certain seasons again, certain magical moments, feel what I felt back then.

POP on thursday. I dont care about it. Cause I know God s going to take care of everything. This was not the reason why I came here to post. To be honest, I rather not post about my life...but things that goes on in my head. Unheard of. Unspoken.

To you...reader who still thinks this blog is alive...
These are soft whispers even I find hard to catch...

I secretly want a friend to buy me music...that I have never set my ears on before, tunes unheard, and I did fall in love with it, dance with it.
I want to eat awfully chocolate cake for my birthday, but food is no longer that appealing to me anymore.
I want a birthday surprise I have to remember for life.
I want words and photos that provokes my thoughts and emotions.
I want a friend to sit beside me and talk till the sunsets.
I want to go on mission trips with my future girlfriend.
I want to go new york...central park.
I want to go Disneyland with my future girlfriend too.

**I want to kiss my future girlfriend while the rain pours down on us.
So extremely cheesy, but that imagery has always stuck in my...head.

--

Dont forget. Just make guest appearances.

~~

You fight for memories, but what if memories has already left and there is nothing left to fight for?

~~

I guess I will find you in the next season. I hope.